Questions and Answers regarding “Guyland”

A friend of mine studying to become a counselor passed along Michael Kimmel’s fascinating book Guyland to me recently, and I’ve found it riveting. I’m not even halfway through it and my mind is spinning.

In Guyland: The Perilous World Where Boys Become Men—Understanding the Critical Years between 16 and 26, Kimmel lays out the hazardous terrain faced by males today as they navigate their lives.

Who are Guys in Guyland?

Faced with the fallout from a shifting world where there are endless unfulfilling options, and little motivation to commit to anything, many guys today are not shown that they’re worth anything. The marketplace values them as consumers, but the economy doesn’t have room for them to do much but work McJobs, despite the fact that they are, on the whole, a highly educated and intelligent bunch.

According to Kimmel:

It’s easy to observe “guys” virtually everywhere in America—in every high school and college campus in America, with their baseball caps on frontward or backward, their easy smiles or anxious darting eyes, huddled around tiny electronic gadgets or laptops, or relaxing in front of massive wide-screen hi-def TVs, in basements, dorms, and frat houses. 

…Guys often feel they’re entirely on their own as they navigate the murky shallows and the dangerous eddies that run in Guyland’s swift current. They often stop talking to their parents, who “just don’t get it.” Other adults seem equally clueless. And they can’t confide in one another lest they risk being exposed for the confused creatures they are. So they’re left alone, confused, trying to come to terms with a world they themselves barely understand. They couch their insecurity in bravado and bluster, a fearless strut barely concealing a tremulous anxiety. They test themselves in fantasy worlds and in drinking contests, enduring humiliation and pain at the hands of others.

A few years back I wrote an article for Alternatives magazine called “The Male Road Map.” I recently reread that article and although I still agree with it, I now consider it an idealized version of reality for the “guys” Kimmel has studied at length. My heart goes out any man who is confused and having a hard time finding his own place in the world, for that has been a defining theme of my own story.

So faced with the dilemma of Guyland, I find myself asking, what can be done to ease the suffering and provide for the needs of these guys?

Folks suffering poverty need food, shelter, and medicine before they need doctrine and churches. Ask them and that’s what they’ll tell you. I would assert that if you ask a guy in Guyland what he needs most, he would probably tell you: a job, some intimate connection, good times, some idea where he’s going.

I imagine the language of personal transformation would probably result in a blank stare, rolling eyes, or laughter.

So going up Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, doesn’t it make sense that if we help these guys obtain their basic needs in a conscious and fulfilling way, we would be giving them the leg up they need to exit Guyland and find a way toward a full and meaningful life?

I’ve been involved in the “Men’s Movement” for 20 years in one way or another. I’ve been through the ManKind Project, I have participated in or formed men’s groups. I love being a man among men and I love to support my fellow men so that we can be our best. Yet the movement is losing steam. I believe this is because it has left “guys” out of it.

How do we older men (and women) help guys in Guyland in a way that is effective and respectful and honoring of who they are and what they need?

This is the question. I am cogitating on a few answers, but I want to hear from you. And this blog entry is getting pretty long. And my wife is due to deliver our first child any day or hour now. And I have to make dinner.

What say you?