Organizing the Portland Tantric Meetup, which I've been doing since summer of 2008, has been quite an interesting journey. Holding myself accountable for the growth and direction of this group has of course required that I pay close attention to my own growth and direction.
Most of us are attracted to the tantric path because we want to bring greater consciousness to our sexuality; because we want to bring sexuality to our spirituality; because we seek healing from shame, emotional or spiritual wounds; and because we deeply wish to connect with others whom we hope to meet along this path. Certainly, all of these longings may play a part together.
Whereas I primarily came to tantra to find a spiritual path where I wouldn't be at war with my body, I also wanted to connect with others who shared my values—women, primarily! And as I became more and more grounded in the practices and expanded awareness that tantra provides, I found that indeed, it was much easier for me to connect and form beautiful connections with women I would meet at pujas, workshops, and other events.
But as I have more recently committed to someone in a monogamous relationship, I see that I used my own "tantric skills" and ability to connect as a tool to actually prevent myself from connecting the way I really wanted to—to hold true intimacy at bay. I could attain a beautiful, heart-centered space with anyone (my ego loved that), but love has required me to go deeper, where I am called to delve deeply into my own fear and vulnerability. I also found that the best "tantric skill" I've developed was the willingness to breathe and step courageously into the fire I knew would burn me and strip away parts my ego that keep me from intimacy.
To know how to relate to one's own ego is at the HEART of any true tantric practice—indeed any true spiritual practice. That's why I am presenting "Dancing with the Ego" a week from now (Monday, March 7, at Motion Massage in Portland). It doesn't matter whether you know much about tantra or not: knowing where you are in your dance with your ego will help benefit you right here, right now. We're all in this together!
A quick plug for my spiritual mentoring and healing sessions: I'm available. I'd love to work with you. More here.
