It's about time: Evangelical congregation welcomes LGBT

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_rel_gay_affirming_church

Pastor Mark Tidd is my hero of the day.

The pastor of an evangelical church in Colorado, one of the most prominent states in the American evangelical movement, has opened the doors of his church wide for queer, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered seekers.

Of course, his Highlands Church represents a tiny fraction of evangelical congregations, I would guess, that embrace these beautiful children of God. His bold move to do so signals what I would call a "returning to Christ" that I hope the church of the 21st century will embody.

For the record, I am not comfortable affiliating with a Christian community right now; I am almost tempted to say "I'm not a Christian" anymore. However, in Christ and his teachings (which are terribly distorted, ignored, or avoided by the vast majority of Christians) I see hope for humanity. In modern Christianity, I see despair for humanity. And it grieves me so to say that.

The most noteworthy teachings and lessons of Christ can be distilled thus:

• Love your enemies.
• Do good to those who harm you.
• If anything, including your family, distract you freely loving God, leave that thing and pursue your passion with abandon.
• God will take care of you, no matter what. Be open to how that shows up.
  
• Identify with the poor. Allow them to remind you where your true treasure is.
• Be compassionate to all.
• Seek a world that works for everyone.
• Love peace.
• If you're not a) getting in some sort of trouble, and b) enjoying it somehow, you're not living nor truly reaping the full rewards of the Gospel.

Whenever Christ was presented with a "sinner" who did something "wrong" in the bedroom, his response was, "Go and sin no more." We will never know for sure how he delivered that advice. Was it a stern warning, a compassionate entreaty, or was it advice to be good to yourself and discrete in matters of the heart (in a society that was obviously extremely hostile to living outside the rules).

Whenever Christ was presented with religious authorities who judged others, condemned them, or excluded them from participation in the spiritual life of the community, he was unequivocally stern in reminding them of their hypocrisy.

Following Christ looks a lot more like living life from your heart, opening it up wider and wider, making it bigger and bigger, and seeing where that leads, than simply "being good." Christ said the road to eternal life is narrow and few walk it. Being good is low-level obedience fitting of a child and not a courageous adult--an easy, wide road to walk with lots of company to surround you. On the other hand, loving life and those who live it, with divine abandon, is high-level obedience and requires a lot more character. The risks and rewards are much greater. In fact, the risks and rewards of "being good" are shallow and bankrupt. Yep, I said that and I'll stand behind it.

Am I living with all that passion and abandon? Most days, probably not. I have though, and I know what it looks and feels like. I've seen and learned from the masters.

So, the Solstice is tomorrow, and Christmas right around the bend. Let's remember that tiny babe who arrived two thousand years ago came to challenge us and give us the grace to live with passion and abandon, not just to tell us to be good and stay out of trouble. Oh, no. not that.

Blessings to you for Solstice, Christmas and the new year.

God-washing and the Sedona Sweat Lodge Tragedy

On October 8, just a few weeks ago, three people died and 19 others were hospitalized when self-help wealth and abundance guru James Ray “led” a sweat lodge at a “retreat” called “The Spiritual Warrior” in Sedona, Arizona. Prior to the sweat lodge, participants had just come off a 36-hour fast. There were supposedly more than 60 people in the lodge, and each had paid $9,000 for the experience. Ray was responsible for who left the lodge and when.

I have read that James Ray has gained notoriety by preaching his gospel of abundance on Oprah, Larry King, and "The Secret," the wildly popular guerilla-marketed DVD that introduced many to the Law of Attraction.

I was saddened to hear about this awful loss of life. When I googled James Ray and found his website, I was angered. When I clicked further and saw his video, I became disgusted.

I am no stranger to "The Secret," to abundance consciousness, transformational seminars, and even sweat lodge ceremonies. I’ve paid thousands for my own transformational education, having been through much of the Landmark curriculum and even the New Warrior Training Adventure. I’ve been to Agape Church, which is Ground Zero for the Law of Attraction in Los Angeles, the City of Attraction. So I know whereof I speak.

The profound Dr. Carl Hammerschlag makes some great points about what a sweat lodge ceremony can be like when practiced conscientiously. I invite you to read his blog. He is slightly more generous with Ray than I am. Slightly.

There are many who doubtless will express their grief for the victims more eloquently than I. For me, the biggest charge for me is the terrible God-washing that James Ray, CEO of JRI, a multi-million dollar business, is guilty of. I don’t know the extent to which Ray really believes what he’s teaching, but let me tell you, it’s not what has been understood as spirituality for most of human history.

Watch James Ray’s video for a taste of this God-washing, this spiritual snake oil.

You’ll notice that he talks about such concepts of “The Law of Attraction and the Six Other Laws of the Universe.”

According to Ray, “All true wealth and abundance that you choose for your life is yours for the taking when you understand how the universe works.”

Ray understands how the universe works? And he can boil it down to seven laws? Impressive! Pardon my sarcasm. Or don't.

Ray continues: “Do you ever feel that no matter what you’ve accomplished at this point, that there is still something missing? Well, not to worry. Many people feel the very same way, and quite frankly I did at one point in my own life as well. And then I learned the secret of creating harmonic wealth in my life. That’s a life that is wealthy and abundant in all key areas -- financial, relational, mental, physical and spiritual… Understanding these fundamental laws makes you able to succeed …no matter what happens in the world around you. You can attract complete and total harmonic wealth to you every single time ... Money is the foundation ...

“… True wealth is abundance and prosperity in every single area of your life and this is not only a possibility I assure you, it is an absolute certainty when you have the keys. Once you have the secret, the real secret, your life will never be the same. So all you have to do is fill in your first name, your email address … Come on, you deserve it… And you know what? I’m so confident these technologies and tools will transform every single area of your life, just like they have mine, and countless thousands of others…”

For Ray, “understanding how the universe works” means figuring out a way to get 60 people to pay him $9,000 each (That’s $540,000 for a weekend, folks) and propping himself up as an example of how this prosperity is possible for anyone and everyone.

I don’t have the stomach to research Ray’s teachings to find out what these other six laws of the universe are. I probably don’t have the budget for it either. But I do know a few of the basic laws of spirituality. They are:

• Be humble.
• Trust.
• Look for ways to serve others, without desiring anything back.
• Love, even when it’s uncomfortable and you don’t want to.
• Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things (stuff you need) will be added unto you.
• Financial wealth is not a birthright; rather, it is more likely a hindrance (and face it, it's hell on our natural resources).

I doubt that any of these laws are counted among Ray’s “Laws of the Universe.” To Ray, the universe – and probably God, since so many to whom he speaks use “universe” interchangeably with “God” – is something that can be controlled by you and me, if, of course, we know The Secret!

Neither Buddha nor Christ, the two most influential spiritual teachers the world has ever known, preach the gospel of abundance. Christ of course promised that his followers would have abundant life, but then again, he also challenged them to sell everything they had, give their money to the poor, and to share their possessions as community (definitely not wealth, says James Ray!). Buddha taught that attachment to wealth and ambition lead to suffering.

Any true law of universe needs to apply right now, to everyone. Not just the out-of-work software engineer, the guy who works in the bakery, or the commodities trader on Wall Street, but also that woman in New Guinea who was publicly gang-raped at gun-point, the child soldier in the Congo, and the guy on death row at Ellis Unit in Texas for a brutal homicide.

James Ray devotes a few pages to the Sedona tragedy on his website, tucked out of the way so as not to compete with his brand. In one of these pages, he says:

“People are throwing out accusations and disparaging me and our mission. Yet despite that, and despite considerable criticism, I have chosen to continue with my work ... I have taken heat for that decision, but if I chose to lock myself in my home, I am sure I would be criticized for hiding and not practicing what I preach …

“I want to use this forum to address the families of those whose lives were lost, James, Kirby and Liz. I have reached out to all of the families personally, but feel the need to say more. I feel your pain. I accept your anger … I believe the best way to honor their amazing lives and everlasting memory is to continue this important work. Please join me in a moment of silence to pay homage to their lives and to pray for the speedy recovery of others taken ill.”

A moment of silence?

Mr. Ray, you are at cause for the death of these three people, and the suffering known only to those who have lost people they loved to the needless, stupid, senseless acts of others. Don’t you think that justifies at least a month of silence? Shut the hell up and take a few months off. You can afford it, I’m sure.

A true “spiritual warrior” understands grief. Evidently you do not.

Sounding off on celibacy for priests

Link to CNN Commentary by Rev. Barron

The editorial above recently appeared on CNN.com. In it, Rev. Robert Barron argues for celibacy for priests, stating that the priest's fascination with "another world" sets him apart and makes him valuable to the community in a special way. I think he's full of it.

I posted my thoughts as a comment on CNN's website but not knowing if they'll be approved, I'll post them here:
___________________________________________________

That's a very interesting perspective, with lots of valid points used to support ideas I disagree with.

I believe the church is attached to celibacy and afraid of sexuality. Sexuality is, like the wilderness, the force of nature, and the laws of physics, something that is best harnessed and not controlled. Tibetan Buddhists, Taoists, and Indian tantrics have understood this, even though the other Buddhists, Christians, and Muslims have not.

The fascination Rev. Barron speaks about is a dangerous thing, insofar as it provides fertile soil for all kinds of projections and transferences (psychologically speaking). A priest friend of mine described his ministry as "one among many" as opposed to "one above many," a trap he felt many of his fellow priests get caught up in. This friend of mine, being a convert to both Christianity and to Catholicism, didn't have the priest fetish or idealism that Catholics are raised with. (I was raised Catholic, and practiced for more than 35 years.)

The "other world" Rev. Barron speaks of is right here, right now. Jesus meant this when he said "The kingdom of God is at hand." That is fascinating to me. Every human being is worthy of my fascination, and if allowed to be truly seen, reflects God's glory as much as anything else you can name.

Sexuality is a human need and seeks expression. If that need is unmet, the soul suffers. A celibate priesthood attracts men who do not have a healthy relationship to their sexuality, for the most part, God wants to be made love to, through one another. If God has no hands but ours, no feet but ours, he/she also has no genitals but ours.

Final point. The church is running out of priests and needs a change of policy.

__________________________________________

To expand on my thoughts since this is my blog and I have more room to do so:

The world as God made it is an amazing, beautiful thing and does not need to be transcended. True, if the context is that you're suffering through something horrible, sometimes "rising above" is wise. But in the day-to-day, soil-sea-and-sky world, we are, I believed, called to merge with the world and not transcend it.

The world, and all aspects of creation, tell us more about God than any book can, even if that book is the inspired word of God.

A friend of mine, Daniel McFeeley, wrote a brilliant song about God, in which he states something like, "There was no Home Depot when God made the world, all that he had was himself, so burritos and airplanes and mountains combined -- completely, totally made of divine. There were and elephants, underpants, burritos and cake, and the space-time-continuum too. There were oceans, banjos and bandaids and cake, and lets not forget me and you." See www.myspace.com/danielmcfeeley to listen to his song, "God."

Two Portlands

I read a sobering article a few days ago, linked below.
http://www.oregonlive.com/business/index.ssf/2009/03/business_week_ranks_portland_a.html

The title, of this article from the Oregonian:

BusinessWeek ranks Portland at top of "unhappiest cities" list

The indicators, according to the Oregonian, are divorce, suicide, depression (gauged by sales of antidepressants), crime, unemployment and clouds.

When I read the headline, I wondered which Portland they're talking about. Portland, Maine? Ever since I got here, I myself have been very happy, very fulfilled, and quite satisfied. Moreover, most of the people I've come to know and love (and make no mistake; this is no small posse) are happy as well. It made me think that I am not getting around enough; why have I not really encountered this "Other Portland?"

Then I thought about it some more. I have seen that Other Portland: When I lived in the Alberta district, our neighborhood had its resident crack addicts, the drunk guy whom I've never passed on the street without being asked for a quarter, and some others.

The other night as I was walking to grab dinner at a neighborhood eatery, I saw the Other Portland: a man storming out the door, his female companion yelling at him, he shouting back, a child screaming. And I shared tea with someone who has been on antidepressants for years, who desperately wants to connect with something beyond himself but has been grasping for what that is.

At the market the other day, the current issue of Psychology Today caught my eye, with a giant happy face on the cover and the lead article, "Happiness, how to turn it on." Having already decided to blog on the subject, I picked up a copy to see what it had to say and if the magazine could somehow help Portland with its apparent happiness problem.

Psychology Today had some good things to say about it, but nothing that you couldn't get with more eloquence by reading Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet. One of the central notions is that if you want to be happy, don't run from sadness. There are many variations on this theme played out in Psychology Today, which are solid ideas, but not attributable to the journalist who wrote the article.

Pretty much everyone wants to be happy to a point. Usually that point is the edge that scares them, that they fear too much to go beyond. That edge can be something as simple as speaking your truth to someone instead of pretending that it doesn't matter, or something as elaborate as selling your home, cashing out, and traveling the world. Really, though, it doesn't matter where your edge is as long as you don't run from it. Dance with it, never cross it if you don't want to, but make it your friend or it will seem to mock you from afar.

The Psychology Today author also writes about contentment (as does Robert A. Johnson, one of my favorite personal transformation authors, EVER) as a sort of superior version of happiness. Contentment is much more like the version of happiness that Buddha and Christ spoke about, where your possessions don't own you, and where you take what comes, appreciate it, and know that the difficult and the delightful are needed to appreciate and to recognize each other. Contentment witnesses ecstasy and pain, without taking either very personally or making too big a deal of them. Contentment is possible when you know in your heart -- or wherever you know things -- that you are enough, just fine the way you are.

Which Portland do you live in? A Portland of beauty, fun, and community? Or a Portland of gloom, anger, and boredom? Maybe you're just plain ambivalent. Maybe you have a foot in each Portland. Do you want happiness? Make some effort, and be willing to let go of some things.

What follows are my 10 Suggestions for Happiness, which have been known to lead to contentment. Really delving in to just a few of them will yield results. Don't leave out the ones that scare you. That's the edge we were talking about.

1) Adopt the idea that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness. The Oregonian article was, rather fittingly, followed by several reader comments, in which people on the political right and left were blaming each other for the city's woes.

Nelson Mandela, who was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for his anti-Apartheid activism, was consigned to hard labor for the duration of the 27 years he served before release. Despite the ill treatment a black political prisoner would have received in Apartheid South Africa, Mandela emerged from prison a leader -- not angry, not set upon revenge -- and ultimately, happy. Clearly, he was the only person in charge of his own happiness, and shortly after his release became the first leader of a post-Apartheid South Africa.

Being responsible for your happiness means being at the cause of your life, and not the effect. Happy people, as the famous Serenity Prayer suggests, either change the things they can or accept the things they can't change, and they have wisdom to know the difference. Changing your world becomes a game worthy of playing hard, and part of the fun is finding your team. If you don't succeed, either try a different tactic or a different direction, and don't take it personally. Play games worth losing. If you need to just accept things the way they are, know that you are enough and that "how you are" does not equal "how you feel."

2) Get related to your body. Start with moving it. Although exercise doesn't cause happiness, it's a major contributing factor. I heard of a study in which the anti-depressant Zoloft was tested against an exercise regime in a group of clinically depressed subjects. After a certain time, the results were the same, but going forward, exercise surpassed Zoloft's effectiveness. Your mood improves when the energy within your body is moving. Dance, jogging, yoga, tai chi, martial arts, gym workouts, hiking, biking, swimming, etc. are all good. I'm partial to ecstatic dance. Portlanders: check out www.pdxecstaticdance.com. Opportunities to learn ballroom dancing, salsa and tango abound here in Portland. Learning to use your body, take the next steps, which are enjoying and loving your body.

Next, enjoy your body. Experience pleasure. Don't be a slave to it, but definitely serve it. Don't skimp out. The whole point of having a body is to enjoy it, and use it for good. What is good is something that you get to determine. Want to stay unhappy? Then believe what other people say about what pleasures you should and shouldn't experience. (Note: your pleasure should never come at the expense of someone's well-being, including your own.) How can Portland be miserable with so much good chocolate? That is a mystery to me!

Then love your body. Appreciate it for what it provides for you: eyesight, transportation, pleasure, opposeable thumb use/grasping, hearing music, and myriad other things we take for granted. Don't compare your body to anyone else's. You will, but just forgive yourself and return to appreciating what you have and taking good care of it (see 2 & 3, above).

3) Explore your spirituality. For now, forget every definition of spirituality you've ever heard before, and try this one: Spirituality is the way that the Divine, or whatever eternal, formless essence you may or may not believe in, woos your soul. What woos your soul? Truth? Beauty? Virtue? Love? Family? Adventure? NASCAR? If it penetrates your being and gets to the middle of you, consider that it's the Divine getting your attention in the way that only it can. Not sure what gets to your soul? Start with your imagination. What fascinates or interests you? Start there. If nothing interests you, I don't believe you. But if so, it might be a good idea to see a therapist, but run the other way if the first thing he or she does is suggest drugs.

Develop the "attitude of gratitude." Take time as often as you can to be thankful for any good thing in your life. Don't wait until these things are taken from you by the tides and storms of life.

4) Dispense with your God, if that God is causing you misery. The God that most Americans, and I assume most Portlanders, are introduced to through church, media, and society, is antisocial, schizophrenic, and maybe bi-polar. Most of them, including many who are actually happy themselves, will disagree with me vehemently. I would not respect a man claims to love everyone but would banish them to eternal misery for being human, so why should I respect a God who does the same? An otherworldy hell simply isn't compatible with the concept of love, although many believers do their level best to have this make sense somehow. A pontifical bible scholar I knew commented that in the Bible, God never really succeeded in changing anyone when he threatened them with misfortune, but when he promised them life, they came in droves.

A wise rabbi, when confronted by atheists who told him, "Rabbi, I don't believe in God," would always reply, "Which one?" If you wish to get to know the Divine on the Divine's terms, it would be a good idea to start with this: God is love. Explore love in all its forms, meanings, and nuances. Learn by doing. Make love your life's study, and you will learn more about God than most people in the history of humanity.

It also helps to be an adult about God and stop asking for stuff for yourself or changes in your circumstances. God is not Santa Claus, rewarding you with favor for bribing him with good behavior. I heard another rabbi say that God put us in a physical universe and we are subject to its laws. So when hard times come, it is not for us to say, "Why?" but rather, "What now shall we do?" If you want God to answer your prayers powerfully, ask God to break your heart with compassion for his people, or ask him to show you ways to serve those who need you. Both of those, incidentally, will lead to happiness, if not deep contentment. Yes, I think God has a sense of the ironic.

(Note that many people are basically happy despite their religious beliefs, which are otherwise inconsistent with their beliefs about love. This is demonstrative of the fact that there are many ways to be happy, inconsistencies are allowed, and that this list does not equal the 10 Commandments, but rather 10 Suggestions.)

5) Learn that you are not your emotions. You have emotions, but they do not define you, nor do they determine "how you are" at any given time. If they did, the human race would have perished long ago.

6) Develop a daily practice. For me, it's meditation and prayer. For others, it's art. For many, it's exercise, or taking a walk to enjoy nature. The key is same time, same place, every day. This is time for your soul, and you get to determine what it looks like. Consistency within the practice (doing the same thing) should be balanced with making small changes and experimenting with new things. It should change over time or it will become stale. Just as you change over time, or you will become stale.

7) Be a participant, not a spectator. This may affect the amount of TV you watch or the hours you spend at your gaming console. Some happy people watch TV, some don't. Pretty much every unhappy person I know watches a lot of TV. Life is made for relating with people, not machinery broadcasting images that someone else has chosen for you. I don't believe that what's on TV makes people unhappy, so much as they get too comfortable with the habit and don't live lives of passion and spirit. Can't think of anything? Join a dragon boat team.

8) Love people. That means you will have to talk to some of them, and listen to some of them, and be interested in what some of them have to say. When they compliment you, never take it for granted. The smallest compliment is a gift and love is expressed in both the giving and receiving. Of course loving yourself is part of this. (Life's difficult and you need a friend. Start with being one to yourself.) Warning: Love may lead to having great friends, community, and adventures of the heart.

9) Learn to love the rain and clouds. Do you enjoy all the pretty maples, rhododendrons, ferns, Douglas-fir trees? How about the snow on Mt. Hood? It's our weather that makes this possible. As one who comes from a land of regular wildfires and merciless drought, for me every drop of rain is a miracle and makes so much available for us. Water is life, and when the sky is filled with water, it is filled with life!

10) Do it your way. Whatever it is. It's yours to figure out, and once you allow yourself to be the arbiter of what's cool and what isn't, you will be free.

What are your tips for being happy? What do you struggle with? I invite your comments, and please send this blog entry to anyone you know who might be in the Other Portland.

The Vatican inspires me to write...

I've posted an article below. I find humor in it. But first, my commentary on it. Scroll down for the article.

First let me begin by saying, I love the Catholic Church. In large part, it made me the person I am today. But as a self-identified mystic Christian-without-a-church, who admittedly entertains many heretical beliefs and practices, I think the church has gone very, very astray from the teachings and Spirit of Christ over the centuries, but especially in the past few decades.

According to 95-year old Jesuit theologian, Fr. Roberto Busa, "When you look at vices from the point of view of the difficulties they create you find that men experiment in a different way from women."

His thoughts were expanded upon by Msgr. Wojciech Giertych, theologian to the papal household (every household should have its own theologian, don't you think?), who said the most difficult sin for men to face was lust, followed by gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed, and that, for women, the most dangerous sins were pride, envy, anger, lust, and sloth.

Well, first, I have to question the control groups being used in this experiment, who include only Italian Catholics who are prone to going to confession. It's noteworthy that Italy suffers some of the worst Catholic church attendance in Europe. Their masses are sparse and rote, despite the rich beauty of their buildings.

Dig deeper, and you will find that there's a difference between what's easy to confess and what's hard to confess. In a macho culture like Italy, you would get off easy confessing lust. It's expected, and perhaps even a point of national identity. The fact that the Catholic church is unnecessarily fixated on sexual behavior (which culturally gets laid on men's laps), makes this a no-brainer. On the other hand, it takes bone-shaking insight -- often great pain -- to realize when you've been prideful, because once you have, you've probably already really hurt someone.

In other words, it's easy to tell a stranger, "I looked at my buddy's girlfriend lustfully (lust), I ate too much pizza last night (gluttony), and I should have visited my mother instead of playing with my Wii (sloth, or something else masquerading as sloth)." But you have a lot more soul-searching to confess, "I won't call my brother because of something he said five years ago that pissed me off (pride/anger), I drank too much last night because I hate my job and feel trapped (anger), when I see my brother's wife and apartment I feel inadequate (envy), and I took credit for my co-worker's idea so that I would get the raise (greed).

I'd like to have a discussion with these theologians about the nature of sin at some point.

Women are every bit as lusty as men. If you don't know this first-hand, trust me on this. They are. They just don't talk about it. Especially to priests in confession. For starters, they don't feel so guilty about it. However, because women (generally) instinctively place a higher value on relationship, they know what pride can do. So of course they will confess pride before lust. In the confessional, these women know not to sweat the small stuff.

According to Pope Benedict, "We are losing the notion of sin." He said, "If people do not confess regularly, they risk slowing their spiritual rhythm."

Sorry, Benny. People are confessing, but not to you, and not to the priests. (I speak in general terms here.) They are confessing to their therapists, their spiritual directors, their friends, their online buddies, wherever they find it safe, and the ears compassionate.

To be a worthy confessor, you need to create a safe space, a non-judgemental space, that doesn't threaten with hell.

That is all. Here's the article, from BBC:

Two sexes 'sin in different ways'

Italian confession boxes have been used less in recent years

Women are prouder than men, but men are more lustful, according to a Vatican report which states that the two sexes sin differently.

A Catholic survey found that the most common sin for women was pride, while for men, the urge for food was only surpassed by the urge for sex.

The report was based on a study of confessions carried out by Fr Roberto Busa, a 95-year-old Jesuit scholar.

The Pope's personal theologian backed up the report in the Vatican newspaper.

"Men and women sin in different ways," Msgr Wojciech Giertych, theologian to the papal household, wrote in L'Osservatore Romano.

"When you look at vices from the point of view of the difficulties they create you find that men experiment in a different way from women."

Msgr Giertych said the most difficult sin for men to face was lust, followed by gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed.

For women, the most dangerous sins were pride, envy, anger, lust, and sloth, he added.

Secretive department

Catholics are supposed to confess their sins to a priest at least once a year. The priest absolves them in God's name.

HIS AND HERS - THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS Men 1. Lust 2. Gluttony 3. Sloth 4. Anger 5. Pride 6. Envy 7. Greed Women 1. Pride 2. Envy 3. Anger 4. Lust 5. Gluttony 6. Avarice 7. Sloth

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that "immediately after death the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into Hell".

Traditionally, the seven deadly sins were considered: pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth.

The Apostolic Penitentiary, one of the Vatican's most secretive departments, which fixes the punishments and indulgences handed down to sinners, last year updated its list of deadly sins to include more modern ones.

The revised list included seven modern sins it said were becoming prevalent during an era of "unstoppable globalisation".

These included: genetic modification, experiments on the person, environmental pollution, taking or selling illegal drugs, social injustice, causing poverty and financial greed.

The report came amid Vatican concerns about the declining rate of confessions.

A recent survey of Catholics found nearly a third no longer considered confession necessary, while one in 10 considered the process an obstacle to their dialogue with God.

Pope Benedict, who reportedly confesses his sins once a week, last year issued his own voice of disquiet on the subject.

"We are losing the notion of sin," he said. "If people do not confess regularly, they risk slowing their spiritual rhythm."

The Valentine Blog

I was struck by a powerful thought a few weeks ago that has managed to diffuse any sentimentality about Valentine's Day for me this year. Valentine's Day, for many people, is SAD (Singles Awareness Day).

The marketing machine plows through our collective consciousness and unconsciousness, creating feelings of inadequacy for many of us who have no sweetheart, no flowers or candy or romantic dates. But this is hardly news for those of us who are unattached. If you've spent as many of your years single and unattached as I have, you have a lot of time to ruminate about your situation, as not only the self but the relatives and friends ask, "Why haven't you gotten married yet?"

What I'm about to say might exile us to a life of indefinite if not permanent singlehood, or maybe it will liberate us and even make us available to the partner we've always dreamed about.

The simple thought I'm putting forward is this: A relationship is a response, and not a goal.

Perhaps we've all held relationship as a goal. I know I have. "I want to be married some day." "I don't want to be alone." "I want to find my soulmate." When there is a goal, there is always looking to the future for a change in status, and with that, typically a lack of capacity for living in the present. It's natural enough, especially if you want to be a parent someday, or if there are things you fantasize about doing with a partner, generally and specifically.

What's interesting about this is that there is a role, a blank line __________ of your imagination that may or may never be filled by a special stranger. Perhaps you have a plan, and you're hoping that the universe, God, the Goddess, or whatever higher power you believe in, will provide this very special character actor to round out your special cast.

Let's look at the notion of relationship as a response. Backing away from the model of a romantic relationship, most all of our non-blood relationships are responses. I meet a guy at work, we converse about things that interest us, and we decide to hang out after work and share a drink. Over time we get to become good friends, sharing things that matter to us. Our response to encountering each other takes the form of a friendship. I eat lunch at the same restaurant every week and pretty soon the waitress knows my usual order, and over time we learn more about each other and begin a friendship that exists within the confines of the restaurant. We are responding to each other as customer and server, and then as friends because we like each other. If either of us were unfriendly, there would be no response, no relationship.

Looking at past loves with whom I'm still connected in some way, perhaps there was a goal of relationship, and that relationship ended, and whatever is left is my response to the human being whom I was privileged to spend time with. That response could be an ongoing connection, perhaps no connection at all, or something occasional. But interestingly, whatever remains may have authenticity that was lacking in the romantic phase of our relationship, simply because it arises from something that is there, instead of a goal that is created. In the same way, even a relationship that begins as a goal and deepens over time, if it is healthy, transitions to a response to the reality of who your partner is, rather than a goal. If the person remains a character, a role, instead of a "what-you-see-is-what-you-get human being, the relationship will fail, will be miserable, or both.

So consider yourself as a response waiting to happen, indeed, happening to everyone you meet in some way. Every day is the opportunity to respond to someone new, to create new relationship, to bring new levels of chaos, amusement, and depth into your life.

It has been surmised that you can't love any two people the same way, that love is defined anew every time you fall in love. I believe this is true. And I believe this is because love is, at its core, a response to someone. You cannot respond to a unique, individual human being the very same way you would a different unique, individual human being. Using the metaphor of alchemy for relationship, all of us are distinct elements that react to each other. Every combination of elements causes a unique reaction. We see that one person brings out the best in us without even trying, while another person seems to cause us to misspeak, misstep, get angry or flustered, or be awkward. Still others are like "inert" elements to us, that seem to cause no immediate reaction whatsoever.

So, if Singles Awareness Day is causing you anxiety or regret, try on this new context. Notice how you respond and react to the people you encounter in your day-to-day life. If relationship still occurs as a goal despite your best efforts, try making it into a game of just observing whom you respond to, and observing the responses. In the meantime, know that you have plenty of other elements to respond to that may show up as a myriad of relationships: best friends, lovers, companions, all based on the natural, organic response of your personal alchemy. Put yourself in the "science lab" of life as fully as you can, and enjoy all the natural relationships that ensue.

Of course, this could just be another one of many vain explanations I have come up with to explain something that I wish I had a better explanation for. But hey, I do enjoy many responsive relationships and I am happy. May you enjoy this day and whatever it brings to you. Al