I've been pondering the notion of clarity lately. In truth, I've found myself envying those who have it. Times are uncertain for me right now.
Whenever I hear the word "clarity," I think of a story I heard once about a struggling priest who went on sabbatical and as part of his travels, went to Calcutta to meet Mother Theresa. When he finally met her, he requested that she pray that he have clarity in his life. Mother Theresa responded, "I will not pray for you to have clarity. I will pray for you to trust."
In meditation this morning, I considered that clarity comes from the ego and ultimately is a delusion or fixation. It's nice to have, yes, but with clarity comes a sense of tunnel vision or exclusion of possibility. What if the Divine's will for you, or the deepest expression of who you are, is distinct from what you are so clear about? Clarity in this case would keep you from noticing, from being open to new possibility. Trust, on the other hand, necessitates a certain kind of openness.
Put another way, clarity is attachment that's convincing. Trust reflects commitment to the divine, the context that one cannot ever be certain of what is best and next.
This reflection brings to mind chapter 20 of the Tao Te Ching, which asks, "Is there a difference between yes and no?" Lao Tsu confesses, "But I alone am drifting, not knowing where I am. Like a newborn babe before it learns to smile, I am alone, without a place to go."
This greatest of sages even goes so far as to say "I am a fool. Oh yes! I am confused. Other men are clear and bright, but I alone am dim and weak."
He closes the poem by saying "Everyone else is busy, but I alone am aimless and depressed. I am different. I am nourished by the great mother."
"Aimless and depressed" does not sell self-help books and will not be associated with "The Secret." I understand, however, that Mother Theresa herself was party to immense spiritual doubt. But often "aimless and depressed" is the dark that comes before the dawn of something new and beautiful. Clarity will be of no help here.
