The Ten Suggestions, part 1

In March of last year, I responded in this blog—to an article that reported Portland to be the unhappiest city in the country—by coming up with 10 suggestions for being happy. I naturally called them "The 10 Suggestions." An ex-post-bloggo Google search revealed that some others had also coined their own "10 Suggestions," but naturally I think mine are the best.

So let's revisit the 10 Suggestions, one blog entry at at time.

1) Adopt the idea that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness.

Nelson Mandela, who was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for his anti-Apartheid activism, was consigned to hard labor for the duration of the 27 years he served before release. Despite the ill treatment a black political prisoner would have received in Apartheid South Africa, Mandela emerged from prison a leader—not angry, not set upon revenge—and ultimately happy. Clearly, he was the only person looking after his own happiness, and shortly after his release became the first black leader of a post-Apartheid South Africa.

Being responsible for your happiness means being at the cause of your life, and not the effect. Happy people, as the famous Serenity Prayer suggests, either change the things they can or accept the things they can't change, and they have wisdom to know the difference. Changing your world becomes a game worthy of playing hard, and part of the fun is finding your team. If you don't succeed, either try a different tactic or a different direction, and don't take it personally. Play games worth losing.

What if your situation frankly sucks and you cannot change your circumstances?

Indeed, sometimes happiness asks us to simply accept things the way they are. Easier said than done? Start by understanding that you are enough and that "how you are" does not equal "how you feel."

Doing this requires one to step back into what is known as "witness consciousness"—that state of awareness which we simply notice what's going on inside us. If it had a voice it might sound like, "I notice I'm despairing right now." That thought will be quickly followed by any number of other statements, usually not empowering. It's safe enough to say that any other thought you would have would be something besides witness consciousness, which is not emotionally charged one way or the other. Just be aware. Notice what you're experiencing, and then note that you're having an emotional/mental/physical reaction, and then use those thoughts to marshal on your behalf toward another thought pattern or behavior that is empowering. One of the best behaviors to adopt is sharing your state of mind with another person who cares. More people care than you realize, trust me on this.

Next week: Get related to your body.