Humble beauty

For about two weeks out of the whole year, this modest weeping cherry bonsai is my favorite tree of my collection.

I love cherries. I love eating them, I love looking at their blossoms. I love the lenticels (small horizontal lines) that mark the shiny bark on their trunks. I love their fall color. Now, weeping cherries are probably my least favorite cherries, because their blossoms point down instead of out. There's something a little bit sad about a weeping cherry. Kind of like someone who has a beautiful smile, but always seems to look at the ground instead of straight at you.

I was photographing this tree today and decided to get underneath the tree to have a look at the blossoms straight up. The blossoms really struck me as beautiful in a way they hadn't before. Sometimes it takes getting on your knees and looking up to see the beauty in things.

In a similar theme, I also took a photo of a wild pansy of some sort that I found growing in the middle of my lawn (there are advantages to being lax about mowing). It's not a real flashy pansy like you find on the racks in front of nurseries, hardware stores, and discount centers. This one would never sell alongside those pretty ones, but interestingly, this is a durable little plant.

Fearing that the frost and snow of winter would kill off this little seedling, I dug it up and put it in a liner pot and gave it some shelter, and it survived just fine over the winter. And then I put it in a little Japanese pot a few weeks ago, even bare-rooting it and giving it completely new soil. It's already giving me flowers.

I love this little plant as much as many of my trees. I love that it was little more than a weed growing in the middle of my lawn and given a decent pot, can shine as a metaphor of grace, toughness, and beauty. I imagine this little pansy will live for years in this little pot if this winter and a bare-rooting didn't kill it.

The notions of humility, modesty, and looking for beauty are not new spiritual concepts. But living with plants and tending my bonsai garden continues to strengthen and heighten my attention beauty. The outpouring of goodness found in the beauty of nature is inexhaustible: It's there whether we're looking or not, whether we notice or not, whether we care or not.

Walk in beauty, as the blessing goes. Look for it, get down on your knees and look every which way, and see things deeply and newly. Let the plants be your teachers.

The Ten Suggestions, part 3

3. Explore your spirituality

For now, forget every definition of spirituality you've ever heard before, and try this one: Spirituality is the way that the Divine, or whatever eternal, formless or formful essence you may or may not believe in, woos your soul. What woos your soul? Truth? Beauty? Virtue? Love? Family? Adventure? NASCAR? If it penetrates your being and gets to the middle of you, consider that it's the Divine getting your attention in the way that only it can. Not sure what gets to your soul? Start with your imagination. What fascinates or interests you? Start there. If nothing interests you, I don't believe you. But if so, it might be a good idea to see a therapist, but run the other way if the first thing he or she does is suggest drugs.

This insight about the nature of spirituality came to me at Burning Man some years ago when I struck up a conversation with a woman. We were both gazing at works by artist Alex Grey, and I was sharing with her some of my spiritual adventures originating from my travels on the shamanic path. She sadly said to me, "I wish I had a spirituality like you, but I don't." I asked her what made her happy, and she told me with profound appreciation about the joy she gets from her family and friends. They meant everything to her. It came to me to say to her that her family and friends are her spirituality. Through them, she experiences God. She started crying with joy, and suddenly I knew that what I had said was even more true than I knew it to be.

So that's why I ask you: What woos your soul? Give your life to it. Marry it. If that seems like a bit much, at least take it out for coffee once or twice a week, for the love of all that is good and decent.

Don't just have a spirituality. Explore it. Revel in it, linger with it as you would your lover's body. Smell it, taste it, savor it. Wrestle with it. Go deep with it, go shallow with it. Laugh with it and laugh at it. The allow it to laugh at you. If you cannot find humor in it, then either it's not your spirituality or you're not looking at it openly and honestly.

I know that many people today don't even know what interests them beyond whatever pop culture feeds them and bores them with nightly. If this sounds like you, check in with yourself. Are you happy with that? Does it literally bring you joy and give you energy to reach for that remote? If so, awesome. If not, then you have some exploring to do. As I said before, start with your imagination. Travel magazines and National Geographic are good places to start.

Two Portlands

I read a sobering article a few days ago, linked below.
http://www.oregonlive.com/business/index.ssf/2009/03/business_week_ranks_portland_a.html

The title, of this article from the Oregonian:

BusinessWeek ranks Portland at top of "unhappiest cities" list

The indicators, according to the Oregonian, are divorce, suicide, depression (gauged by sales of antidepressants), crime, unemployment and clouds.

When I read the headline, I wondered which Portland they're talking about. Portland, Maine? Ever since I got here, I myself have been very happy, very fulfilled, and quite satisfied. Moreover, most of the people I've come to know and love (and make no mistake; this is no small posse) are happy as well. It made me think that I am not getting around enough; why have I not really encountered this "Other Portland?"

Then I thought about it some more. I have seen that Other Portland: When I lived in the Alberta district, our neighborhood had its resident crack addicts, the drunk guy whom I've never passed on the street without being asked for a quarter, and some others.

The other night as I was walking to grab dinner at a neighborhood eatery, I saw the Other Portland: a man storming out the door, his female companion yelling at him, he shouting back, a child screaming. And I shared tea with someone who has been on antidepressants for years, who desperately wants to connect with something beyond himself but has been grasping for what that is.

At the market the other day, the current issue of Psychology Today caught my eye, with a giant happy face on the cover and the lead article, "Happiness, how to turn it on." Having already decided to blog on the subject, I picked up a copy to see what it had to say and if the magazine could somehow help Portland with its apparent happiness problem.

Psychology Today had some good things to say about it, but nothing that you couldn't get with more eloquence by reading Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet. One of the central notions is that if you want to be happy, don't run from sadness. There are many variations on this theme played out in Psychology Today, which are solid ideas, but not attributable to the journalist who wrote the article.

Pretty much everyone wants to be happy to a point. Usually that point is the edge that scares them, that they fear too much to go beyond. That edge can be something as simple as speaking your truth to someone instead of pretending that it doesn't matter, or something as elaborate as selling your home, cashing out, and traveling the world. Really, though, it doesn't matter where your edge is as long as you don't run from it. Dance with it, never cross it if you don't want to, but make it your friend or it will seem to mock you from afar.

The Psychology Today author also writes about contentment (as does Robert A. Johnson, one of my favorite personal transformation authors, EVER) as a sort of superior version of happiness. Contentment is much more like the version of happiness that Buddha and Christ spoke about, where your possessions don't own you, and where you take what comes, appreciate it, and know that the difficult and the delightful are needed to appreciate and to recognize each other. Contentment witnesses ecstasy and pain, without taking either very personally or making too big a deal of them. Contentment is possible when you know in your heart -- or wherever you know things -- that you are enough, just fine the way you are.

Which Portland do you live in? A Portland of beauty, fun, and community? Or a Portland of gloom, anger, and boredom? Maybe you're just plain ambivalent. Maybe you have a foot in each Portland. Do you want happiness? Make some effort, and be willing to let go of some things.

What follows are my 10 Suggestions for Happiness, which have been known to lead to contentment. Really delving in to just a few of them will yield results. Don't leave out the ones that scare you. That's the edge we were talking about.

1) Adopt the idea that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness. The Oregonian article was, rather fittingly, followed by several reader comments, in which people on the political right and left were blaming each other for the city's woes.

Nelson Mandela, who was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for his anti-Apartheid activism, was consigned to hard labor for the duration of the 27 years he served before release. Despite the ill treatment a black political prisoner would have received in Apartheid South Africa, Mandela emerged from prison a leader -- not angry, not set upon revenge -- and ultimately, happy. Clearly, he was the only person in charge of his own happiness, and shortly after his release became the first leader of a post-Apartheid South Africa.

Being responsible for your happiness means being at the cause of your life, and not the effect. Happy people, as the famous Serenity Prayer suggests, either change the things they can or accept the things they can't change, and they have wisdom to know the difference. Changing your world becomes a game worthy of playing hard, and part of the fun is finding your team. If you don't succeed, either try a different tactic or a different direction, and don't take it personally. Play games worth losing. If you need to just accept things the way they are, know that you are enough and that "how you are" does not equal "how you feel."

2) Get related to your body. Start with moving it. Although exercise doesn't cause happiness, it's a major contributing factor. I heard of a study in which the anti-depressant Zoloft was tested against an exercise regime in a group of clinically depressed subjects. After a certain time, the results were the same, but going forward, exercise surpassed Zoloft's effectiveness. Your mood improves when the energy within your body is moving. Dance, jogging, yoga, tai chi, martial arts, gym workouts, hiking, biking, swimming, etc. are all good. I'm partial to ecstatic dance. Portlanders: check out www.pdxecstaticdance.com. Opportunities to learn ballroom dancing, salsa and tango abound here in Portland. Learning to use your body, take the next steps, which are enjoying and loving your body.

Next, enjoy your body. Experience pleasure. Don't be a slave to it, but definitely serve it. Don't skimp out. The whole point of having a body is to enjoy it, and use it for good. What is good is something that you get to determine. Want to stay unhappy? Then believe what other people say about what pleasures you should and shouldn't experience. (Note: your pleasure should never come at the expense of someone's well-being, including your own.) How can Portland be miserable with so much good chocolate? That is a mystery to me!

Then love your body. Appreciate it for what it provides for you: eyesight, transportation, pleasure, opposeable thumb use/grasping, hearing music, and myriad other things we take for granted. Don't compare your body to anyone else's. You will, but just forgive yourself and return to appreciating what you have and taking good care of it (see 2 & 3, above).

3) Explore your spirituality. For now, forget every definition of spirituality you've ever heard before, and try this one: Spirituality is the way that the Divine, or whatever eternal, formless essence you may or may not believe in, woos your soul. What woos your soul? Truth? Beauty? Virtue? Love? Family? Adventure? NASCAR? If it penetrates your being and gets to the middle of you, consider that it's the Divine getting your attention in the way that only it can. Not sure what gets to your soul? Start with your imagination. What fascinates or interests you? Start there. If nothing interests you, I don't believe you. But if so, it might be a good idea to see a therapist, but run the other way if the first thing he or she does is suggest drugs.

Develop the "attitude of gratitude." Take time as often as you can to be thankful for any good thing in your life. Don't wait until these things are taken from you by the tides and storms of life.

4) Dispense with your God, if that God is causing you misery. The God that most Americans, and I assume most Portlanders, are introduced to through church, media, and society, is antisocial, schizophrenic, and maybe bi-polar. Most of them, including many who are actually happy themselves, will disagree with me vehemently. I would not respect a man claims to love everyone but would banish them to eternal misery for being human, so why should I respect a God who does the same? An otherworldy hell simply isn't compatible with the concept of love, although many believers do their level best to have this make sense somehow. A pontifical bible scholar I knew commented that in the Bible, God never really succeeded in changing anyone when he threatened them with misfortune, but when he promised them life, they came in droves.

A wise rabbi, when confronted by atheists who told him, "Rabbi, I don't believe in God," would always reply, "Which one?" If you wish to get to know the Divine on the Divine's terms, it would be a good idea to start with this: God is love. Explore love in all its forms, meanings, and nuances. Learn by doing. Make love your life's study, and you will learn more about God than most people in the history of humanity.

It also helps to be an adult about God and stop asking for stuff for yourself or changes in your circumstances. God is not Santa Claus, rewarding you with favor for bribing him with good behavior. I heard another rabbi say that God put us in a physical universe and we are subject to its laws. So when hard times come, it is not for us to say, "Why?" but rather, "What now shall we do?" If you want God to answer your prayers powerfully, ask God to break your heart with compassion for his people, or ask him to show you ways to serve those who need you. Both of those, incidentally, will lead to happiness, if not deep contentment. Yes, I think God has a sense of the ironic.

(Note that many people are basically happy despite their religious beliefs, which are otherwise inconsistent with their beliefs about love. This is demonstrative of the fact that there are many ways to be happy, inconsistencies are allowed, and that this list does not equal the 10 Commandments, but rather 10 Suggestions.)

5) Learn that you are not your emotions. You have emotions, but they do not define you, nor do they determine "how you are" at any given time. If they did, the human race would have perished long ago.

6) Develop a daily practice. For me, it's meditation and prayer. For others, it's art. For many, it's exercise, or taking a walk to enjoy nature. The key is same time, same place, every day. This is time for your soul, and you get to determine what it looks like. Consistency within the practice (doing the same thing) should be balanced with making small changes and experimenting with new things. It should change over time or it will become stale. Just as you change over time, or you will become stale.

7) Be a participant, not a spectator. This may affect the amount of TV you watch or the hours you spend at your gaming console. Some happy people watch TV, some don't. Pretty much every unhappy person I know watches a lot of TV. Life is made for relating with people, not machinery broadcasting images that someone else has chosen for you. I don't believe that what's on TV makes people unhappy, so much as they get too comfortable with the habit and don't live lives of passion and spirit. Can't think of anything? Join a dragon boat team.

8) Love people. That means you will have to talk to some of them, and listen to some of them, and be interested in what some of them have to say. When they compliment you, never take it for granted. The smallest compliment is a gift and love is expressed in both the giving and receiving. Of course loving yourself is part of this. (Life's difficult and you need a friend. Start with being one to yourself.) Warning: Love may lead to having great friends, community, and adventures of the heart.

9) Learn to love the rain and clouds. Do you enjoy all the pretty maples, rhododendrons, ferns, Douglas-fir trees? How about the snow on Mt. Hood? It's our weather that makes this possible. As one who comes from a land of regular wildfires and merciless drought, for me every drop of rain is a miracle and makes so much available for us. Water is life, and when the sky is filled with water, it is filled with life!

10) Do it your way. Whatever it is. It's yours to figure out, and once you allow yourself to be the arbiter of what's cool and what isn't, you will be free.

What are your tips for being happy? What do you struggle with? I invite your comments, and please send this blog entry to anyone you know who might be in the Other Portland.

It's tough these days for a Goddess

(photo credit: Associated Press)
It's very interesting how in pagan and tantric circles we speak of "Goddess worship." For the uninitiated, "Goddess worship" here in the West has meant anything from letting the woman have her way to paying a woman to pleasure her as she pleases.

But in Nepal, a young child is selected by a panel of duly qualified judges, subjected to some interesting tests, and then worshiped as the deity Taleju by Hindus and some Buddhists while isolated in a palace until puberty, when she is divested of her divine status and attempts the difficult transition to "normal" life. (See article below.) So in Nepal, clearly another paradigm is at play.

Or is it?

When the biblical prophets spoke out against idolatry, they were making an important point that is often lost by Christians (and others) today: that there is only one God, and that everything else is a manifestation of God, so worship God and not the manifestation. Even the Hindus, with their colorful pantheon, believe that all these gods are manifestations of God.

As a brief note on this particular blogger, I believe there is one God, whom at times I worship as Goddess, or as Jesus, or as Spirit. I even use statues and iconography to focus my worship -- a practice I jokingly call "idolatry for fun and profit."

A priest and theologian I knew in my college days had a compelling definition of idolatry. Fr. Jim Nisbet used to say that idolatry is taking anything, even God, so seriously that you can't laugh at it.

Which brings me to my point: Nepalese kumari worship and western "Goddess worship" aren't that far apart.

I'll be bold here: Women are no more or no less "Goddess" than I am. And no, I'm not letting you in on my secret choice of underwear or anything else related to my exterior form.

What I'm talking about is this: The Goddess, the Divine Feminine, is a force that abides in every human being, not to mention everywhere you find beauty and love. Sometimes she even resides in dark, messy, destructive places. But she is a spiritual force that neither woman nor man can claim for her or himself.

I love being "worshiped" just as much as the next guy. Seriously. Rub my feet, feed me gnocchi and tollhouse cookies. Have beautiful naked women feed me cherries and tell me how awesome I am. I will gladly accept your worship, whether you call me God or Goddess. But allow me to chuckle, secure in knowing that God is being worshiped in both the giver and receiver. If I take your worship personally, please print this blog out and wave it my face.

Be careful when you call yourself or your friend a Goddess. The murkiness that you're entering is that every human being partakes in the divine equally. We are, all of us, gods and idiots. We are saints and criminals. Can you own that you are a luminous child of God, and at the same time, not take yourself personally? Can you behold a perfectly "average" woman, or a three-year-old "perfect" Nepali girl, and your own reflection in the mirror, and realize that there is no difference in the measure of divine substance, the Goddess herself, in each one?

If you can, then let's get down to some serious Goddess worship.

Nepal appoints 3-year-old as new living goddess

KATMANDU, Nepal - Hindu and Buddhist priests chanted sacred hymns and cascaded flowers and grains of rice over a 3-year-old girl who was appointed a living goddess in Nepal on Tuesday.

Wrapped in red silk and adorned with red flowers in her hair, Matani Shakya received approval from the priests and President Ram Baran Yadav in a centuries-old tradition with deep ties to Nepal's monarchy, which was abolished in May.

The new "kumari" or living goddess, was carried from her parents' home to an ancient palatial temple in the heart of the Nepali capital, Katmandu, where she will live until she reaches puberty and loses her divine status.

She will be worshipped by Hindus and Buddhists as an incarnation of the powerful Hindu deity Taleju.

A panel of judges conducted a series of ancient ceremonies to select the goddess from several 2- to 4-year-old girls who are all members of the impoverished Shakya goldsmith caste.

The judges read the candidates' horoscopes and check each one for physical imperfections. The living goddess must have perfect hair, eyes, teeth and skin with no scars, and should not be afraid of the dark.

As a final test, the living goddess must spend a night alone in a room among the heads of ritually slaughtered goats and buffaloes without showing fear.

Having passed all the tests, the child will stay in almost complete isolation at the temple, and will be allowed to return to her family only at the onset of menstruation when a new goddess will be named to replace her.

"I feel a bit sad, but since my child has become a living goddess I feel proud," said her father Pratap Man Shakya.

During her time as a goddess, she will always wear red, pin up her hair in topknots, and have a "third eye" painted on her forehead.

Devotees touch the girls' feet with their foreheads, the highest sign of respect among Hindus in Nepal. During religious festivals the goddesses are wheeled around on a chariot pulled by devotees.

Critics say the tradition violates both international and Nepalese laws on child rights. The girls often struggle to readjust to normal lives after they return home.

Nepalese folklore holds that men who marry a former kumari will die young, and so many girls remain unmarried and face a life of hardship.