The LifeLuster Blog

Clarity vs. Trust

2011-07-09T11:47:00.000-07:00

I've been pondering the notion of clarity lately. In truth, I've found myself envying those who have it. Times are uncertain for me right now.

Whenever I hear the word "clarity," I think of a story I heard once about a struggling priest who went on sabbatical and as part of his travels, went to Calcutta to meet Mother Theresa. When he finally met her, he requested that she pray that he have clarity in his life. Mother Theresa responded, "I will not pray for you to have clarity. I will pray for you to trust."

In meditation this morning, I considered that clarity comes from the ego and ultimately is a delusion or fixation. It's nice to have, yes, but with clarity comes a sense of tunnel vision or exclusion of possibility. What if the Divine's will for you, or the deepest expression of who you are, is distinct from what you are so clear about? Clarity in this case would keep you from noticing, from being open to new possibility. Trust, on the other hand, necessitates a certain kind of openness.

Put another way, clarity is attachment that's convincing. Trust reflects commitment to the divine, the context that one cannot ever be certain of what is best and next.

This reflection brings to mind chapter 20 of the Tao Te Ching, which asks, "Is there a difference between yes and no?" Lao Tsu confesses, "But I alone am drifting, not knowing where I am. Like a newborn babe before it learns to smile, I am alone, without a place to go."

This greatest of sages even goes so far as to say "I am a fool. Oh yes! I am confused. Other men are clear and bright, but I alone am dim and weak."

He closes the poem by saying "Everyone else is busy, but I alone am aimless and depressed. I am different. I am nourished by the great mother."

"Aimless and depressed" does not sell self-help books and will not be associated with "The Secret." I understand, however, that Mother Theresa herself was party to immense spiritual doubt. But often "aimless and depressed" is the dark that comes before the dawn of something new and beautiful. Clarity will be of no help here.

Don't blame the 60s; blame high school seminaries.

2011-05-27T16:48:00.000-07:00

A five-year study by the John Jay College of Criminal Justice recently concluded that the Catholic Church’s sexual abuse crisis was in large part caused by the sexual revolution and changing social mores of the 1960s. It should come as no shock that the church oversaw this study and partially paid for the study.

The principal investigator, Karen Terry, concludes:

Homosexuality was not to blame.
Celibacy was not to blame.
It wasn't a pedophilia problem, since most of the kids involved were older than 10, which the study used as the cutoff for pedophilia. (Most kids abused were older than 10.)
Boys were abused more often because troubled priests had more access to them than girls
Priests were affected by the broad-sweeping changes of the 60s.

Most articles I’ve seen commenting on this study cut right to the church criticism, which I believe is warranted. I think there are some valid points to this study that the church should take to heart. Most notably that homosexuality was not to blame. Pope Benedict has had a witch-hunt mentality toward gay priests, so I’m glad that this information has come to light.

I begrudgingly accept that celibacy isn’t to blame either. Although I think that celibacy is to blame for many other ills facing the church and threatening its viability as a force for good in the current millennium. And if we had married priests, Catholics could have their pick of many fine candidates for the ministry that they would otherwise never have. (They would also have more Catholics.)

The study also posits that celibacy has been church policy for more than 1,000 years, so that cannot explain why the 1960s saw a spike in abuse nor why there were fewer reports beginning in the 1980s.

According to Terry, psychological exams, intelligence tests, and developmental history information would predict which priests would become abusers.

I have several thoughts about this study and its conclusions, but I’ll stick to one for now. The widespread influence (until fairly recently) of high school seminaries, and generally shame-based attitudes about human sexuality, formed a deadly duo that caused the crisis.

High school boys’ brains are still forming, as are their sexual identities. It’s a time when healthy sexual development depends on flirting, courting, dating, and getting to know what females (or males, if you're gay) of the species look, smell, and feel like, up close. If this development is stunted, combined certain teachings equating masturbation with sin, sexual desire with the sin of lust, unhealthy introjection will follow. Carry an unlived youthful sex life through to adulthood and add contact with young boys and girls, combine with loneliness, and you have the perfect storm. (There could also be an authority complex that some of the priests were suffering too.)

Regrettably, there are still high school seminaries; the church is tragically behind in its own understanding and embracing of human sexuality, not to mention its advocacy for school-aged boys and girls. Specifically, the church needs to embrace that a heart-centered, adventurous sexual life is healthy for one’s psychological development. I know, I know. Not. Gonna. Happen.

It doesn’t mean telling kids to have sex. It means encouraging them to have fun, make out, not be ashamed of their bodies, and learn healthy boundaries such that they can understand the vulnerabilities and circumstances that come with sexuality. Kids are wired to carry out this exploration on their own. Can adults—can the church—consciously bless and prepare them for the perilous and delightful journey that lay ahead?

Gratitude for Charlie Sheen

2011-03-02T10:56:00.000-08:00

I prefer Martin Sheen to Charlie Sheen.

In fact, I prefer his brother Emilio Estevez as well. The wayward son of the dignified actor and Catholic social justice activist has of late demonstrated what appears to be mental illness, and the press is hitting him with a fervor it hasn’t enjoyed since the OJ days.

Granted, Sheen has a penchant for drama and hyperbole. He loves to hear himself speak. And on the annoyance meter, he has surpassed Tom Cruise, and has perhaps matched Mel Gibson. But before we jump on the haters bandwagon, perhaps we can take some time to see a little of ourselves in Charlie Sheen’s raging ego. Let’s look at some recent quotes of his.

“I am special, and I will never be one of you.”

Most adults would never say this. But there are times, when we are feeling defensive, when this thought pops up like an unwelcome Netflix ad on our computer screen. To say, “I will never be one of you” is to also say, “You will never be one with me.” Separateness and alienation from each other is one of humanity’s most grave illnesses. How does it feel?

“The only thing I’m addicted to is winning.”

If one has an underdeveloped sense of self, winning at something can provide a needed shot of dignity. However, in the rat race, winning comes at a cost. For one thing, there is usually a loser if there is a winner. As well, losing or not attempting to win helps establish humility, one of the highest virtues a person can attain.

We should also note Sheen’s use of the word, “addicted.” Addictive behavior is destructive behavior that is indulged in to distract one from unpleasant but important feelings. If one never deals with such feelings—grief, remorse, hunger, loneliness, shame—one will never develop a robust human character; one will not have the capacity for empathy.

"I have one speed... I have one gear—Go!"

True, most of us don't go on epic benders, "banging seven-gram rocks and finishing them," but how often do we get so caught up in what we're doing—our "one gear—Go!"—that we don't stop until our body literally shuts us down? Is there that big a difference between high-stakes partying and workaholism?

"I think the honesty not only shines through in my work, but also my personal life. And I get in trouble for being honest. I'm extremely old-fashioned. I'm a nobleman. I'm chivalrous."

And you are so luminous that you don’t cast a shadow.

Whenever one says “I am” and follows it with a positive attribute, such as “awesome,” “honest,” “generous,” “talented,” etc., it needs to be said with humility and the knowledge that one is “not-that” at the same time. I am honest and I am a liar. I am talented here but inept there. I am awesome but I am an idiot. I’m chivalrous but I wish to manipulate you by having you feel guilty or obligated to me.

In the same way, if one is given to self-hatred and would disparage himself or herself, the positive attributes are in the shadow realm. I am stupid and I am also brilliant. I am unfaithful but I am also loyal. I am lazy but I am also disciplined.

Owning your shadow is tough work, but it’s absolutely essential if one is to be a highly functioning human being.

"They'll wake up one day and realize how cool dad is. And, you know, signs all the checks on the front, not the back. And you know, we need him and we need his wisdom and his bitchin'-ness."

There’s a shadow side to love: that if I do something for good you, then you must love me back, or that you will do what I want you to do, behave how I want you to behave, or be who I want you to be. A wise man I once worked with shared with me how he was raising his young son to be self-sufficient and powerful, not so that he could take care of his father but so that he could take care of his own children.

Love never comes from a person; rather, it flows through each person and is either received or it isn’t. Like water, it continually moves and is either absorbed or keeps flowing.

So, a little compassion for Charlie Sheen might be in order. And maybe even a little gratitude for the mirror he presents us with, if only we are willing to look into it.

Intimacy-building skills as a block to intimacy

2011-02-28T16:07:00.000-08:00

Organizing the Portland Tantric Meetup, which I've been doing since summer of 2008, has been quite an interesting journey. Holding myself accountable for the growth and direction of this group has of course required that I pay close attention to my own growth and direction.

Most of us are attracted to the tantric path because we want to bring greater consciousness to our sexuality; because we want to bring sexuality to our spirituality; because we seek healing from shame, emotional or spiritual wounds; and because we deeply wish to connect with others whom we hope to meet along this path. Certainly, all of these longings may play a part together.

Whereas I primarily came to tantra to find a spiritual path where I wouldn't be at war with my body, I also wanted to connect with others who shared my values—women, primarily! And as I became more and more grounded in the practices and expanded awareness that tantra provides, I found that indeed, it was much easier for me to connect and form beautiful connections with women I would meet at pujas, workshops, and other events.

But as I have more recently committed to someone in a monogamous relationship, I see that I used my own "tantric skills" and ability to connect as a tool to actually prevent myself from connecting the way I really wanted to—to hold true intimacy at bay. I could attain a beautiful, heart-centered space with anyone (my ego loved that), but love has required me to go deeper, where I am called to delve deeply into my own fear and vulnerability. I also found that the best "tantric skill" I've developed was the willingness to breathe and step courageously into the fire I knew would burn me and strip away parts my ego that keep me from intimacy.

To know how to relate to one's own ego is at the HEART of any true tantric practice—indeed any true spiritual practice. That's why I am presenting "Dancing with the Ego" a week from now (Monday, March 7, at Motion Massage in Portland). It doesn't matter whether you know much about tantra or not: knowing where you are in your dance with your ego will help benefit you right here, right now. We're all in this together!

A quick plug for my spiritual mentoring and healing sessions: I'm available. I'd love to work with you. More here.

The Ten Suggestions, part 7

2010-10-07T15:56:00.000-07:00

7) Be a participant, not a spectator.

This may affect the amount of TV you watch or the hours you spend at your gaming console. Some happy people watch TV, some don't. Pretty much every unhappy person I know watches a lot of TV. Life is made for relating with people, not machinery broadcasting images that someone else has chosen for you. I don't believe that what's on TV makes people unhappy, so much as they get too comfortable with the habit and don't live lives of passion and spirit. Can't think of anything? Join a dragon boat team.

The enemy is inertia. The televisory life is seductive in its ease and comfort. Most of us, myself included, have a hard time getting up from a comfy couch. So then, how do you break the inertia of your patterns of comfort?

Here's a simple reflection to keep in mind. Try it on next time you're stuck in spectator mode:

"Is the payoff I get from spectating greater than the payoff I get from participating? What is the payoff I get from spectating, anyway?"

What are some ways to begin participating in life beyond your four doors? What interests you? Many people I've met struggle even to answer that simple question. If you're willing to take some simple chances, here are some ideas:

Buy the book, The Artist's Way, and follow the program it outlines.
Go to a craft store like Michael's, and buy a bunch of random stuff there, and make something out of it.
Have some friends over for dinner, and try cooking something. Stuck as to what to cook? Pancakes and bacon would be an interesting place to start, and they're easy to make. What is that I hear you say? Pancakes are a breakfast food? Oh come on. Wouldn't you rather have pancakes?
Join Meetup.com and find some cool meetups that interest you. Start with "Anyone Can Join" if you're here in Portland, and then why not sign up for my "Spiritual Growth and Adventure" meetup?
Got a camera? Walk around town when the light is good (dawn and just before dusk) and take pictures of stuff.

Or you could just watch TV.

The Ten Suggestions, part 6

2010-08-17T20:45:00.001-07:00

6. Develop a daily practice.

For me, it's meditation and prayer. For others, it's art. For many, it's exercise, or taking a walk to enjoy nature. The key is same time, same place, every day. This is healing and nourishment time for your soul, and you get to determine what it looks like. Consistency within the practice (doing the same thing) should be balanced with making small changes and experimenting with new things. It should change over time or it will become stale—just as you change over time, or you will become stale.

What if you have no daily practice?

Start by setting aside a special place that you use for this activity. It could be a corner of your room, a part of your garden, your balcony. Creating an altar of some sort, and putting a few sacred objects on it, perhaps a plant or flowers, helps to set a ritual environment. If you're unsure where to begin, try a two-part yoga/meditation practice. It's what I do, so maybe I'm biased. Learn a simple yoga asana or two (I do a sun salutation) and then sit and focus on inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth. Draw long, slow breaths and exhale at the same deliberate speed. If your thoughts wander, explore the feeling behind the thought (fear? anxiety? concern?) and then locate where that feeling might live in your body. Unsure? Make it up. Then as you breathe, simply bring awareness to that part of you.

An extra hint that is very useful is to begin your meditation session with some sort of incense (such as Nag Champa, sage, palo santo, or copal—these are my favorites but any will do). It not only sets ritual space but also quickly imprints on a part of your brain that encourages meditation. Your memory of the smell will help your brain remember it's meditating, and will hasten your meditative state.

The Ten Suggestions, part 5

2010-08-17T20:31:00.000-07:00

5. Learn that you are not your emotions.

You have emotions, but they do not define you, nor do they determine "how you are" at any given time. If they did, the human race would have perished long ago.

Although we seldom realize it in the moment, our emotions are a cocktail mixed from many spirits, including how we interpret what happened, our circumstances and how we react or respond, our biochemistry at the time—including how much sunshine and vitamin D we have going on, how much exercise and sleep we're getting, influence of caffeine and alcohol, and whether or not we're hungry or thirsty. Emotions are real, but they're not the full story. They can change on a dime in any direction.

The Ten Suggestions, part 4

2010-08-09T18:03:00.000-07:00

3. Dispense with your God, if that God is causing you misery.

The God that most Americans are introduced to through church, media, and society, is antisocial, schizophrenic, and maybe bi-polar minus the meds. Most believers, including many who are actually happy themselves, will disagree with me vehemently.

Let me put it to you this way: Would you respect someone who claims to love everyone but would banish one of his own children to eternal misery for not returning the affection? I didn’t think so. Such a man would be petty at best and psychotic at worst. So why should I respect a God who does the same?

An otherworldly hell simply isn't compatible with the concept of love, although many believers do their level best to have this make sense somehow. A brilliant pontifical bible scholar I once knew commented that in the Bible, God never really succeeded in changing anyone when he threatened them with misfortune, but when he promised them life, they came in droves. Face it: Unless we learn otherwise, we project the wounded, unconscious masculine identity onto God. It’s all around us—it’s insidious, it’s pervasive, and it plays to the darkest impulses of our human nature. It’s that notion that we somehow more “right” than another group of people because we understand God and they don’t. How many lives lost and souls destroyed over this premise?

A wise rabbi, when confronted by atheists who told him, “Rabbi, I don't believe in God,” would always reply, “Which one?” If you wish to get to know the Divine on the Divine's terms, it would be a good idea to start with this: God is love. Explore love in all its forms, meanings, and nuances. Learn by doing. Make love your life’s study, and you will learn more about God than most people in the history of humanity.

A grown-up God for grown-up people
Do you ever find yourself praying for stuff for yourself or for changes in your circumstances? Perhaps most of us do sometimes. But God is not Santa Claus, rewarding you with favor for bribing him with good behavior, faith, or even “The Secret.” I heard another rabbi say that God put us in a physical universe and we are subject to its laws. So when hard times come, it is not for us to say, “Why?” but rather, “What now shall we do?” If you want God to answer your prayers powerfully, ask God to break your heart with compassion, or ask God to show you ways to serve those who need you. Both of those, incidentally, will lead to happiness, if not deep contentment. Yes, I think God has a sense of the ironic.

This “radical love God” takes more courage to follow and believe in than the other ones. Cynics, take note.

Certainly many people are happy if not content despite their religious beliefs, which are otherwise inconsistent with the way they instinctively know to love. (And I'm not speaking of those soul-dead parents who would disown their children because they're gay or for having an inter-racial relationship.) This is demonstrative of the fact that there are many ways to be happy, inconsistencies are allowed, and that this list does not equal the 10 Commandments, but rather 10 Suggestions.)

As always, pick the ones that work for you. Your mileage may vary. Six more to come.

Welcome and congratulations, Anne Rice!

2010-08-03T21:38:00.000-07:00

Dear Anne,

I know it was a tough decision on your part to leave the Catholic Church—one filled with grief and controversy.

I made the same choice in 2000, and let me tell you, it has worked out well for me. It will work out well for you, too.

One thing I have found since leaving is that I've been free to explore truth on its own terms—truth as it lives in my heart, mind, and body, and not truth as it lives in the retelling of successions of celibate men cloistered in a city-state in the middle of Italy, who as a whole, know little of such greatness and power as can be found in women, in sexuality, in creativity, in self-expression, in risk-taking, and rule-breaking. Take these things away from a man's experience, and you don't have much of a man.

Like you, I was disconcerted about the role of the bishops in fighting Proposition 8, as well as the rising tide of neo-conservatism in the Roman Catholic Church. I don't know about you, but I knew the church was pretty much doomed for awhile when Josef Ratzinger ascended the throne of Rome and became Pope Benedict XVI. The furtive and lackluster response to the sexual abuse scandals seemed both the last nail and a seal of Crazy Glue around the lid of the coffin, in which lies the church's moral authority in the modern age.

I know you will miss liturgical and sacramental life, as you indicated on NPR the other day. But now that you are on the other side, you may find that Christ has walked down many roads blocked off by today's Christian Church, and made his home there. Christ was a rule-breaker, an iconoclast, a trouble-maker, and an unreasonably compassionate and passionate lover. His public love and respect for women was a scandal, and is such a scandal today that the church has presented an "impostor Christ" to worship, a watered-down version of the original, who somehow cares more what people do behind closed doors than what happens when they have closed hearts.

Now that you no longer have Benedict to answer to (as if you ever really did), I encourage you to explore some progressive theologians. My favorite is Albert Nolan, who wrote Jesus Before Christianity, a brilliant book that I hope you will read.

I have grown and seen so much, Anne, since I left. I love God and appreciate Christ more than I ever did as a Christian, and as a Catholic. You will too. You probably know this though.

Thank you for being luminous and courageous.

The Ten Suggestions, part 3

2010-08-02T21:08:00.000-07:00

3. Explore your spirituality

For now, forget every definition of spirituality you've ever heard before, and try this one: Spirituality is the way that the Divine, or whatever eternal, formless or formful essence you may or may not believe in, woos your soul. What woos your soul? Truth? Beauty? Virtue? Love? Family? Adventure? NASCAR? If it penetrates your being and gets to the middle of you, consider that it's the Divine getting your attention in the way that only it can. Not sure what gets to your soul? Start with your imagination. What fascinates or interests you? Start there. If nothing interests you, I don't believe you. But if so, it might be a good idea to see a therapist, but run the other way if the first thing he or she does is suggest drugs.

This insight about the nature of spirituality came to me at Burning Man some years ago when I struck up a conversation with a woman. We were both gazing at works by artist Alex Grey, and I was sharing with her some of my spiritual adventures originating from my travels on the shamanic path. She sadly said to me, "I wish I had a spirituality like you, but I don't." I asked her what made her happy, and she told me with profound appreciation about the joy she gets from her family and friends. They meant everything to her. It came to me to say to her that her family and friends are her spirituality. Through them, she experiences God. She started crying with joy, and suddenly I knew that what I had said was even more true than I knew it to be.

So that's why I ask you: What woos your soul? Give your life to it. Marry it. If that seems like a bit much, at least take it out for coffee once or twice a week, for the love of all that is good and decent.

Don't just have a spirituality. Explore it. Revel in it, linger with it as you would your lover's body. Smell it, taste it, savor it. Wrestle with it. Go deep with it, go shallow with it. Laugh with it and laugh at it. The allow it to laugh at you. If you cannot find humor in it, then either it's not your spirituality or you're not looking at it openly and honestly.

I know that many people today don't even know what interests them beyond whatever pop culture feeds them and bores them with nightly. If this sounds like you, check in with yourself. Are you happy with that? Does it literally bring you joy and give you energy to reach for that remote? If so, awesome. If not, then you have some exploring to do. As I said before, start with your imagination. Travel magazines and National Geographic are good places to start.

The Ten Suggestions, part 2

2010-07-29T05:34:00.000-07:00

Get related to your body.

Start with moving it. Although exercise doesn't cause happiness, it's a major contributing factor. I heard of a study in which the anti-depressant Zoloft was tested against an exercise regime in a group of clinically depressed subjects. After a certain time, the results were the same, but going forward, exercise surpassed Zoloft's effectiveness. Your mood improves when the energy within your body is moving. Dance, jogging, yoga, tai chi, martial arts, gym workouts, walking, hiking, biking, swimming, etc. are all good. I'm partial to ecstatic dance. Opportunities to learn ballroom dancing, salsa and tango abound here in Portland and probably in your city too. Learning to use your body, take the next steps, which are enjoying and loving your body.

Next, enjoy your body. Experience pleasure. Don't be a slave to it, but definitely serve it. Don't skimp out. The whole point of having a body is to enjoy it, and use it for good. What is good is something that you get to determine. Want to stay unhappy? Then believe what other people say about what pleasures you should and shouldn't experience. (Note: your pleasure should never come at the expense of someone's well-being, including your own.) If you find yourself stumped, experiment with dark chocolate, massage, and burying your face in a large rose for starters.

Then love your body. Appreciate it for what it provides for you: eyesight, transportation, pleasure, opposeable thumb use/grasping, hearing music, and myriad other things we take for granted. Don't compare your body to anyone else's. You will, but just forgive yourself and return to appreciating what you have and taking good care of it.

The relationship one has to one's body could be likened to that of a trainer to a racehorse. In the horse race, rider and horse become one. And the horse will win, or at least compete well, if it's fed well, rested, pampered, and allowed to run. Horses love to run.

What does your body love?

And don't forget: LISTEN to your body. And by this I don't mean simply the growling and gurgling sounds that come from your belly when you're hungry. Your gut has wisdom. Do you feel tension down there? Do you feel gusto down there? People who do not listen to what their guts are telling them about their lives wind up with gut problems—physical ones. Your gut has information about what to do for yourself and others, whom to love, whom to leave, what is your truth, and what is your lie. It may take some time to sit with and sort out when the mind and heart are also involved in the conversation. When in doubt, trust your gut.

The Ten Suggestions, part 1

2010-07-23T18:41:00.000-07:00

In March of last year, I responded in this blog—to an article that reported Portland to be the unhappiest city in the country—by coming up with 10 suggestions for being happy. I naturally called them "The 10 Suggestions." An ex-post-bloggo Google search revealed that some others had also coined their own "10 Suggestions," but naturally I think mine are the best.

So let's revisit the 10 Suggestions, one blog entry at at time.

1) Adopt the idea that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness.

Nelson Mandela, who was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for his anti-Apartheid activism, was consigned to hard labor for the duration of the 27 years he served before release. Despite the ill treatment a black political prisoner would have received in Apartheid South Africa, Mandela emerged from prison a leader—not angry, not set upon revenge—and ultimately happy. Clearly, he was the only person looking after his own happiness, and shortly after his release became the first black leader of a post-Apartheid South Africa.

Being responsible for your happiness means being at the cause of your life, and not the effect. Happy people, as the famous Serenity Prayer suggests, either change the things they can or accept the things they can't change, and they have wisdom to know the difference. Changing your world becomes a game worthy of playing hard, and part of the fun is finding your team. If you don't succeed, either try a different tactic or a different direction, and don't take it personally. Play games worth losing.

What if your situation frankly sucks and you cannot change your circumstances?

Indeed, sometimes happiness asks us to simply accept things the way they are. Easier said than done? Start by understanding that you are enough and that "how you are" does not equal "how you feel."

Doing this requires one to step back into what is known as "witness consciousness"—that state of awareness which we simply notice what's going on inside us. If it had a voice it might sound like, "I notice I'm despairing right now." That thought will be quickly followed by any number of other statements, usually not empowering. It's safe enough to say that any other thought you would have would be something besides witness consciousness, which is not emotionally charged one way or the other. Just be aware. Notice what you're experiencing, and then note that you're having an emotional/mental/physical reaction, and then use those thoughts to marshal on your behalf toward another thought pattern or behavior that is empowering. One of the best behaviors to adopt is sharing your state of mind with another person who cares. More people care than you realize, trust me on this.

Next week: Get related to your body.

"Why I too hate Tantra" and upcoming events

2010-07-13T19:26:00.000-07:00

When I first began to explore Tantra in the mid-2000s, my friend Robert Allen, who at the time was one of Seattle’s main tantric emissaries, inspired me to deepen my role as a tantric guide. So when I saw the title of his recent blog entry, “Why I hate Tantra,” I had to read it to see what might have gotten into him. (Read it here.) None of my friends and colleagues has a deeper understanding of Tantra than he.

Robert, like many others, is fed up with much of what passes for Tantra these days, and in many ways I agree with him. The deeper my understanding of Tantric mysticism goes, the less content I am to call even what I teach Tantra. Yes, it is “neo-tantra”—that much is beyond debate—but what separates the real thing from what most Americans think of when they hear the word, “Tantra?”

Tantra is not smoking-hot sex bathed in curry and lit by a patchouli-scented candle with a Ravi Shankar CD playing in the background, the Kama Sutra book on the night stand opened to page 69. Tantra doesn’t need to be sexual at all. Tantra at times melds sexuality with the sacred, but sacred sexuality (which I’m a major proponent of and teach as well) does not equal Tantra.

Tantra can be the most confronting, and perhaps, most comforting, of all the spiritual paths known to humans. Tantra is making love to your fear. Tantra is making love to your work or leaving it. Tantra is finding the Divine wherever you look—especially in places they told you you wouldn’t find God. Your most profound encounters with the Divine will most likely come when you’re not looking, but the Divine tends to reveal itself most often to those who take the time and energy to look anywhere.

Most Tantric and, dare I say, spiritual teaching is all about ascent—with the goal being to elevate the spirit, raise the vibration, transcend the suffering, achieve purity or attain higher states of bliss and ecstasy, but the truth is there is the soul has other needs, like getting to the bottom of that mother complex you have been plagued by all your life. Spirit is good, and seeks to rise, but the soul is the part of us that is like water—it seeks descent and depth. Soul is of the soil and ashes and earth, which perhaps is why Tantric practitioners in India do their rituals in graveyards, with the ashes and bones of immolated people. Only when you are ready to get down and dirty, to smear yourself with the grief, tears, and blood of your own suffering, and maybe mine too, and let out a baleful wail, will you be ready for enlightenment. Today’s best-selling spiritual writers and religious teachers don’t tell you that to be enlightened, you must first be endarkened. But it’s the truth.

Of course, grief, tears, and blood are difficult to sell to a world desperately trying to put a band-aid on any kind of suffering it encounters.

Dear readers, are you ready to go deep into your body and get serious about healing those deep, wounded places? Are you ready to cross a living threshold, or are you content to buy a Kama Sutra candle at the Exotic Love Boutique, practice your orgasms, and call it good?

Maybe you’re thinking, "Where’s my Nag Champa incense? Where’s my day-long orgasm?” If you’re ready to cross a threshold, to live on the edge of your personal magic and power, you have a great opportunity on July 31 when Michael Mirdad guides the Portland Tantric Meetup in a day-long intensive. Michael is the real thing. After July 17, the $100 tuition increases to $125, so save some money and register ASAP. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

As we ramp up for fall, plan for the return of our two-part series on the essence of Shiva and Shakti, Massage A Trois, and other opportunities to explore the longings you carry in your soul.

Speaking of which, check out my other meetup, the Spiritual Growth and Adventure Meetup.

Many blessings, and enjoy our spectacular weather,

Owl

A very tough mustard seed

2010-04-03T08:53:00.000-07:00

This article feels like the final nail in the coffin of any illusion Pope Benedict should preside over Roman Catholicism.

It's the day before Easter, and as someone who practiced Catholicism intentionally for the first 30 or so years of his life before changing course, it's a reflective time: Even though I love and honor Christ (in my own way) as much as I did for all those years, I hesitate before calling myself a "Christian." Does that mean I believe in Christ? Does it mean I believe all the teachings *about* him? Does it mean I'm part of the community of believers who identify themselves as Christians? Yes (sort of), no, and no. None of these answers came easy to me and yet I still struggle with them sometimes. My truth is that I have experienced much more of God outside of my Catholic/Christian experience in recent years, which in no way diminishes what I did experience of God in those years past. But I love the church as I love my family: It's where I come from. And now this...

I never liked Cardinal Josef Ratzinger. He was the enemy of liberal thinking within the church. As head of the Congregation of the Doctrine of the Faith, he was the theology police and he wielded quite a ideological truncheon. He censured liberal theologians who challenged the way the church thought about women, sexuality, and even social justice. He was sort of a Karl Rove figure in the church—an insider, a mover-shaker, and a tremendous influence even on John Paul II.

When he was elected pope, it was the absolute worst thing that could happen for the Catholic church, and I knew it immediately. Now it's showing up in ways I never imagined—shameful not just for the pedophilia and the cover-ups, but the way the Vatican is pushing back. However, these kinds of situations are like quicksand: The harder you try to swim out of it, the faster you sink. Watch while that happens. If Ratzinger doesn't leave office early (which would be a rather unprecedented move in the church), he will take the floundering church down with him.

Pedophilia is an obvious outcome when a church idealizes celibacy and prohibits its priests from marrying. (The dysfunctional/toxic masculine is now preying on itself and will destroy itself.) However, the church deflects this criticism by saying the vast majority of pedophiles are married people. What a distortion of statistics, proving the maxim, "There's lies, damn lies, and then there's statistics." A small portion of the married population has pedophilia issues. A significant portion (certainly not a majority, but a telling percentage) of the priesthood does, and many more have problems with alcohol and tobacco. And add to that the job/mission of a priest is to heal souls, not to damage them. And let's not forget healing one's own soul, which mandates a dynamic relationship with the Divine Feminine (sorry guys, there Is No Other Way).

When Jesus put Peter in charge of the community that would become the Roman Catholic church, did he intend any of this? NO. There's enough evidence in the canonical bible to suggest that Jesus valued the company and counsel of women far more than was "appropriate" for his time, and there's good reason to believe he was married to Mary Magdalene. Of course, these ideas will be suppressed as long as there's a celibate conservative theologian presiding over Rome.

I think that Christ's work is being faithfully carried out both inside the church, but especially outside of it, all over the world, by people who understand the message of the gospel whether they espouse any Christian theology or not. Christ wasn't about the process or the belief system; he was about results, or as the gospel puts it, the fruits of one's labor. Christians and non-Christians both understand the work that is to be done, but increasingly, this bureaucracy called the church is becoming irrelevant. What a pity, and how sad for Christ's legacy.

But one of the principles of true leadership, which I'm sure Christ understood, is that a truly successful leader starts something and lets it take root and grow until no one's quite sure where the original idea came from or what role that leader played in the process.

Thanks be to God—at least that mustard seed has grown and infiltrated the world, beyond the walls of the church.

On Easter, I can be thankful for that. May your Easter be blessed, may your life be renewed, and your mind and heart opened.

Today's work...

2010-03-28T17:49:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I usually blog about compelling spiritual matters. Today's compelling spiritual matter is bonsai. It compels my spirit something fierce!

Yesterday my friend Chris and I went to Wabi Sabi bonsai nursery in Estacada and I found this nice little Japanese Black Pine var. Ondae. Ondae is a "cork-barked" variety of Black Pine, which grows thick bark with deep fissures very quickly, adding to the look of age. I potted it up today in an old pot I had another, far less worthy, plant growing in. Nice combo, don't you think? The pot is a Japanese pot from one of the really nice kilns over there, although I don't know what kind. It has a broken corner that I fixed with a little glue. Here's the pine and a detail of the lichen growing on its bark.

The passion of an elderly woman

2010-02-27T18:26:00.000-08:00

Those who spend any time with me here in Portland know that I'm into bonsai—those trees of various species pruned, primped, and potted to achieve the scale and beauty of a much larger tree. I practiced the art many years ago in Los Angeles, and began again immediately upon moving to Bridgetown. So ever on the lookout for new material to work with, I found an ad on Craigslist for an estate sale, mentioning bonsai. It was in Salem today.

I arrived at the estate sale with a few other garage-sale vultures, as I imagined them, early, hoping to be the first person to grab my quarry—if in fact there were a quarry to grab. They could have been lousy trees, after all. They could have been overgrown or nearly dead "mall-sai," the "bonsai for the masses" one finds in the kiosk at the mall or at the farmer's market. Serious aficionados like me are looking for something large, graceful, old, powerful, interesting.

I found some serious trees, scattered among some really unremarkable material. First thing I found was a potted redwood, and I found an ume (Japanese flowering apricot), what looks to be a cherry, and what looks to be a princess persimmon. The redwood was a significant find, and the gal who was pricing the items mentioned "more trees over there." Over there I found a rather large wisteria with graceful lines, sweeping branches, and pretty bark with the patina that only comes with an older tree. I found a few pots I liked, paid way too little, and packed the car with my prizes.

Bonsai is an interesting art, insofar as the world's finest trees change hands over generations, and over the lifespan of a tree, several artists may leave their mark on it as they adapt it to their vision. The tree cooperates within its limitations, but some talented artists are able to shatter what appear to be major limitations of a particular specimen. So in homage to the trees I was adding to my collection, I asked whose they had been. They belonged to a woman named Marge (last name begins with "C" I think) who passed away. I took a little time to wander the house to see if anything else interested me and notice what I could of Marge. There was not much, some rickety mid-century modern furniture and unremarkable kitchen stuff, as well as some Asian art.

But I learned something of Marge by her trees. That redwood I found came from a bonsai nursery in Mendocino County, California, collected by a couple of brothers who dig them out of the forest. Most of the redwoods of its size and age come from this source. Then there was this wisteria. A really nice, valuable tree. Both were in nursery cans and there were no bonsai pots in the collection of pots for sale that would work for them; she hadn't purchased them yet, but she had planned to. Like me, she enjoyed flowering/fruiting bonsai.

I suppose they could have been her husband's trees—the toy train set in the garage hinted at a masculine presence, but I sense the trees were her thing. She attempted wiring but wasn't very good at it. She had to shell out some serious money for the redwood—easily a few hundred dollars—and at least a hundred and a half for the wisteria as well. She had hopes for these trees. All her other trees were small but the redwood and wisteria were large. She was thinking bigger before she died, and this was her start. I'm pretty sure Marge was peripherally involved with one of the local bonsai clubs, or made the drive down to Corvallis to go to Wee Tree Farm to get the Wisteria. The ume still has the Wee Tree tag on it. Neither the redwood nor the wisteria were beginner's trees, although from the condition of the collection (which also had some ginkos and some really bad trees), I could tell Marge was a beginner—a beginner with a passion for her trees, which she couldn't fully serve.

Sadly, perhaps, she wasn't close to any other bonsai people; else they would have taken care of her trees for her, or like in my club here in Portland, auctioned them off to club members with proceeds benefiting her estate.

I am grateful to Marge for these trees and look forward to tending them (I potted them today in bonsai pots) for years to come. Hopefully I will do Marge well by these trees, and eventually pass them onto someone else who cares about them and continues to refine them or even recreate them to their own taste.

So after the estate sale I drove to Telperion Farms, a big bonsai nursery sort of on the way home (a short side trip, anyway), and bought pots for the new trees (repotting time is NOW) so I could get to work. I had a nice visit with Chris, his wife Lisa, and their friend Gary, a talented potter whose work I couldn't afford.

Maybe I should have splurged though. When I stopped at Chipotle in Tualatin (or is it Tigard; I get those two places mixed up. Nyberg Road, that one), and ordered a burrito, something beautiful happened. I couldn't get the wallet out of my zipper pocket on my pants. No matter what. The gal at the counter laughed, saw me struggle, and simply gave me the burrito. I found money in the car, but she wouldn't take it. I told her I'd share the karma down the road with another.

I have this little statue I got in Peru, of a guy with a couple of C-notes and several bags of grain and other treasures around his neck. He's the "eqeko de la buena suerte," but I call him the God of gratitude, abundance, and generosity. (The person who sold him to me insists you must put a cigarette in his mouth, but only on Thursdays. I've mostly complied.) When I pray to God using this little figure, I am reminded of those facets of God—generosity, abundance, and gratitude. This morning I was in a very excited mood and I made a special prayer to el eqeko.

I was truly blessed today God's generosity and abundance, and I am grateful, even as I look for another way to share the generosity and abundance. A friend of mine wants a bonsai; I think she's going to get one from me soon. :-)

It's about time: Evangelical congregation welcomes LGBT

2009-12-20T17:07:00.000-08:00

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_rel_gay_affirming_church

Pastor Mark Tidd is my hero of the day.

The pastor of an evangelical church in Colorado, one of the most prominent states in the American evangelical movement, has opened the doors of his church wide for queer, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered seekers.

Of course, his Highlands Church represents a tiny fraction of evangelical congregations, I would guess, that embrace these beautiful children of God. His bold move to do so signals what I would call a "returning to Christ" that I hope the church of the 21st century will embody.

For the record, I am not comfortable affiliating with a Christian community right now; I am almost tempted to say "I'm not a Christian" anymore. However, in Christ and his teachings (which are terribly distorted, ignored, or avoided by the vast majority of Christians) I see hope for humanity. In modern Christianity, I see despair for humanity. And it grieves me so to say that.

The most noteworthy teachings and lessons of Christ can be distilled thus:

Love your enemies.
Do good to those who harm you.
If anything, including your family, distract you freely loving God, leave that thing and pursue your passion with abandon.
God will take care of you, no matter what. Be open to how that shows up.
Identify with the poor. Allow them to remind you where your true treasure is.
Be compassionate to all.
Seek a world that works for everyone.
Love peace.
If you're not a) getting in some sort of trouble, and b) enjoying it somehow, you're not living nor truly reaping the full rewards of the Gospel.

Whenever Christ was presented with a "sinner" who did something "wrong" in the bedroom, his response was, "Go and sin no more." We will never know for sure how he delivered that advice. Was it a stern warning, a compassionate entreaty, or was it advice to be good to yourself and discrete in matters of the heart (in a society that was obviously extremely hostile to living outside the rules).

Whenever Christ was presented with religious authorities who judged others, condemned them, or excluded them from participation in the spiritual life of the community, he was unequivocally stern in reminding them of their hypocrisy.

Following Christ looks a lot more like living life from your heart, opening it up wider and wider, making it bigger and bigger, and seeing where that leads, than simply "being good." Christ said the road to eternal life is narrow and few walk it. Being good is low-level obedience fitting of a child and not a courageous adult--an easy, wide road to walk with lots of company to surround you. On the other hand, loving life and those who live it, with divine abandon, is high-level obedience and requires a lot more character. The risks and rewards are much greater. In fact, the risks and rewards of "being good" are shallow and bankrupt. Yep, I said that and I'll stand behind it.

Am I living with all that passion and abandon? Most days, probably not. I have though, and I know what it looks and feels like. I've seen and learned from the masters.

So, the Solstice is tomorrow, and Christmas right around the bend. Let's remember that tiny babe who arrived two thousand years ago came to challenge us and give us the grace to live with passion and abandon, not just to tell us to be good and stay out of trouble. Oh, no. not that.

Blessings to you for Solstice, Christmas and the new year.

God-washing and the Sedona Sweat Lodge Tragedy

2009-10-20T22:30:00.000-07:00

On October 8, just a few weeks ago, three people died and 19 others were hospitalized when self-help wealth and abundance guru James Ray “led” a sweat lodge at a “retreat” called “The Spiritual Warrior” in Sedona, Arizona. Prior to the sweat lodge, participants had just come off a 36-hour fast. There were supposedly more than 60 people in the lodge, and each had paid $9,000 for the experience. Ray was responsible for who left the lodge and when.

I have read that James Ray has gained notoriety by preaching his gospel of abundance on Oprah, Larry King, and "The Secret," the wildly popular guerilla-marketed DVD that introduced many to the Law of Attraction.

I was saddened to hear about this awful loss of life. When I googled James Ray and found his website, I was angered. When I clicked further and saw his video, I became disgusted.

I am no stranger to "The Secret," to abundance consciousness, transformational seminars, and even sweat lodge ceremonies. I’ve paid thousands for my own transformational education, having been through much of the Landmark curriculum and even the New Warrior Training Adventure. I’ve been to Agape Church, which is Ground Zero for the Law of Attraction in Los Angeles, the City of Attraction. So I know whereof I speak.

The profound Dr. Carl Hammerschlag makes some great points about what a sweat lodge ceremony can be like when practiced conscientiously. I invite you to read his blog. He is slightly more generous with Ray than I am. Slightly.

There are many who doubtless will express their grief for the victims more eloquently than I. For me, the biggest charge for me is the terrible God-washing that James Ray, CEO of JRI, a multi-million dollar business, is guilty of. I don’t know the extent to which Ray really believes what he’s teaching, but let me tell you, it’s not what has been understood as spirituality for most of human history.

Watch James Ray’s video for a taste of this God-washing, this spiritual snake oil.

You’ll notice that he talks about such concepts of “The Law of Attraction and the Six Other Laws of the Universe.”

According to Ray, “All true wealth and abundance that you choose for your life is yours for the taking when you understand how the universe works.”

Ray understands how the universe works? And he can boil it down to seven laws? Impressive! Pardon my sarcasm. Or don't.

Ray continues: “Do you ever feel that no matter what you’ve accomplished at this point, that there is still something missing? Well, not to worry. Many people feel the very same way, and quite frankly I did at one point in my own life as well. And then I learned the secret of creating harmonic wealth in my life. That’s a life that is wealthy and abundant in all key areas -- financial, relational, mental, physical and spiritual… Understanding these fundamental laws makes you able to succeed …no matter what happens in the world around you. You can attract complete and total harmonic wealth to you every single time ... Money is the foundation ...

“… True wealth is abundance and prosperity in every single area of your life and this is not only a possibility I assure you, it is an absolute certainty when you have the keys. Once you have the secret, the real secret, your life will never be the same. So all you have to do is fill in your first name, your email address … Come on, you deserve it… And you know what? I’m so confident these technologies and tools will transform every single area of your life, just like they have mine, and countless thousands of others…”

For Ray, “understanding how the universe works” means figuring out a way to get 60 people to pay him $9,000 each (That’s $540,000 for a weekend, folks) and propping himself up as an example of how this prosperity is possible for anyone and everyone.

I don’t have the stomach to research Ray’s teachings to find out what these other six laws of the universe are. I probably don’t have the budget for it either. But I do know a few of the basic laws of spirituality. They are:

Be humble.
Trust.
Look for ways to serve others, without desiring anything back.
Love, even when it’s uncomfortable and you don’t want to.
Seek first the kingdom of God, and all these things (stuff you need) will be added unto you.
Financial wealth is not a birthright; rather, it is more likely a hindrance (and face it, it's hell on our natural resources).

I doubt that any of these laws are counted among Ray’s “Laws of the Universe.” To Ray, the universe – and probably God, since so many to whom he speaks use “universe” interchangeably with “God” – is something that can be controlled by you and me, if, of course, we know The Secret!

Neither Buddha nor Christ, the two most influential spiritual teachers the world has ever known, preach the gospel of abundance. Christ of course promised that his followers would have abundant life, but then again, he also challenged them to sell everything they had, give their money to the poor, and to share their possessions as community (definitely not wealth, says James Ray!). Buddha taught that attachment to wealth and ambition lead to suffering.

Any true law of universe needs to apply right now, to everyone. Not just the out-of-work software engineer, the guy who works in the bakery, or the commodities trader on Wall Street, but also that woman in New Guinea who was publicly gang-raped at gun-point, the child soldier in the Congo, and the guy on death row at Ellis Unit in Texas for a brutal homicide.

James Ray devotes a few pages to the Sedona tragedy on his website, tucked out of the way so as not to compete with his brand. In one of these pages, he says:

“People are throwing out accusations and disparaging me and our mission. Yet despite that, and despite considerable criticism, I have chosen to continue with my work ... I have taken heat for that decision, but if I chose to lock myself in my home, I am sure I would be criticized for hiding and not practicing what I preach …

“I want to use this forum to address the families of those whose lives were lost, James, Kirby and Liz. I have reached out to all of the families personally, but feel the need to say more. I feel your pain. I accept your anger … I believe the best way to honor their amazing lives and everlasting memory is to continue this important work. Please join me in a moment of silence to pay homage to their lives and to pray for the speedy recovery of others taken ill.”

A moment of silence?

Mr. Ray, you are at cause for the death of these three people, and the suffering known only to those who have lost people they loved to the needless, stupid, senseless acts of others. Don’t you think that justifies at least a month of silence? Shut the hell up and take a few months off. You can afford it, I’m sure.

A true “spiritual warrior” understands grief. Evidently you do not.

Sounding off on celibacy for priests

2009-05-16T06:22:00.000-07:00

Link to CNN Commentary by Rev. Barron

The editorial above recently appeared on CNN.com. In it, Rev. Robert Barron argues for celibacy for priests, stating that the priest's fascination with "another world" sets him apart and makes him valuable to the community in a special way. I think he's full of it.

I posted my thoughts as a comment on CNN's website but not knowing if they'll be approved, I'll post them here:
___________________________________________________

That's a very interesting perspective, with lots of valid points used to support ideas I disagree with.

I believe the church is attached to celibacy and afraid of sexuality. Sexuality is, like the wilderness, the force of nature, and the laws of physics, something that is best harnessed and not controlled. Tibetan Buddhists, Taoists, and Indian tantrics have understood this, even though the other Buddhists, Christians, and Muslims have not.

The fascination Rev. Barron speaks about is a dangerous thing, insofar as it provides fertile soil for all kinds of projections and transferences (psychologically speaking). A priest friend of mine described his ministry as "one among many" as opposed to "one above many," a trap he felt many of his fellow priests get caught up in. This friend of mine, being a convert to both Christianity and to Catholicism, didn't have the priest fetish or idealism that Catholics are raised with. (I was raised Catholic, and practiced for more than 35 years.)

The "other world" Rev. Barron speaks of is right here, right now. Jesus meant this when he said "The kingdom of God is at hand." That is fascinating to me. Every human being is worthy of my fascination, and if allowed to be truly seen, reflects God's glory as much as anything else you can name.

Sexuality is a human need and seeks expression. If that need is unmet, the soul suffers. A celibate priesthood attracts men who do not have a healthy relationship to their sexuality, for the most part, God wants to be made love to, through one another. If God has no hands but ours, no feet but ours, he/she also has no genitals but ours.

Final point. The church is running out of priests and needs a change of policy.

__________________________________________

To expand on my thoughts since this is my blog and I have more room to do so:

The world as God made it is an amazing, beautiful thing and does not need to be transcended. True, if the context is that you're suffering through something horrible, sometimes "rising above" is wise. But in the day-to-day, soil-sea-and-sky world, we are, I believed, called to merge with the world and not transcend it.

The world, and all aspects of creation, tell us more about God than any book can, even if that book is the inspired word of God.

A friend of mine, Daniel McFeeley, wrote a brilliant song about God, in which he states something like, "There was no Home Depot when God made the world, all that he had was himself, so burritos and airplanes and mountains combined -- completely, totally made of divine. There were and elephants, underpants, burritos and cake, and the space-time-continuum too. There were oceans, banjos and bandaids and cake, and lets not forget me and you." See www.myspace.com/danielmcfeeley to listen to his song, "God."

Two Portlands

2009-03-02T22:31:00.000-08:00

I read a sobering article a few days ago, linked below.
http://www.oregonlive.com/business/index.ssf/2009/03/business_week_ranks_portland_a.html

The title, of this article from the Oregonian:

BusinessWeek ranks Portland at top of "unhappiest cities" list

The indicators, according to the Oregonian, are divorce, suicide, depression (gauged by sales of antidepressants), crime, unemployment and clouds.

When I read the headline, I wondered which Portland they're talking about. Portland, Maine? Ever since I got here, I myself have been very happy, very fulfilled, and quite satisfied. Moreover, most of the people I've come to know and love (and make no mistake; this is no small posse) are happy as well. It made me think that I am not getting around enough; why have I not really encountered this "Other Portland?"

Then I thought about it some more. I have seen that Other Portland: When I lived in the Alberta district, our neighborhood had its resident crack addicts, the drunk guy whom I've never passed on the street without being asked for a quarter, and some others.

The other night as I was walking to grab dinner at a neighborhood eatery, I saw the Other Portland: a man storming out the door, his female companion yelling at him, he shouting back, a child screaming. And I shared tea with someone who has been on antidepressants for years, who desperately wants to connect with something beyond himself but has been grasping for what that is.

At the market the other day, the current issue of Psychology Today caught my eye, with a giant happy face on the cover and the lead article, "Happiness, how to turn it on." Having already decided to blog on the subject, I picked up a copy to see what it had to say and if the magazine could somehow help Portland with its apparent happiness problem.

Psychology Today had some good things to say about it, but nothing that you couldn't get with more eloquence by reading Kahlil Gibran's The Prophet. One of the central notions is that if you want to be happy, don't run from sadness. There are many variations on this theme played out in Psychology Today, which are solid ideas, but not attributable to the journalist who wrote the article.

Pretty much everyone wants to be happy to a point. Usually that point is the edge that scares them, that they fear too much to go beyond. That edge can be something as simple as speaking your truth to someone instead of pretending that it doesn't matter, or something as elaborate as selling your home, cashing out, and traveling the world. Really, though, it doesn't matter where your edge is as long as you don't run from it. Dance with it, never cross it if you don't want to, but make it your friend or it will seem to mock you from afar.

The Psychology Today author also writes about contentment (as does Robert A. Johnson, one of my favorite personal transformation authors, EVER) as a sort of superior version of happiness. Contentment is much more like the version of happiness that Buddha and Christ spoke about, where your possessions don't own you, and where you take what comes, appreciate it, and know that the difficult and the delightful are needed to appreciate and to recognize each other. Contentment witnesses ecstasy and pain, without taking either very personally or making too big a deal of them. Contentment is possible when you know in your heart -- or wherever you know things -- that you are enough, just fine the way you are.

Which Portland do you live in? A Portland of beauty, fun, and community? Or a Portland of gloom, anger, and boredom? Maybe you're just plain ambivalent. Maybe you have a foot in each Portland. Do you want happiness? Make some effort, and be willing to let go of some things.

What follows are my 10 Suggestions for Happiness, which have been known to lead to contentment. Really delving in to just a few of them will yield results. Don't leave out the ones that scare you. That's the edge we were talking about.

1) Adopt the idea that you are the only person responsible for your own happiness. The Oregonian article was, rather fittingly, followed by several reader comments, in which people on the political right and left were blaming each other for the city's woes.

Nelson Mandela, who was arrested and sentenced to life imprisonment for his anti-Apartheid activism, was consigned to hard labor for the duration of the 27 years he served before release. Despite the ill treatment a black political prisoner would have received in Apartheid South Africa, Mandela emerged from prison a leader -- not angry, not set upon revenge -- and ultimately, happy. Clearly, he was the only person in charge of his own happiness, and shortly after his release became the first leader of a post-Apartheid South Africa.

Being responsible for your happiness means being at the cause of your life, and not the effect. Happy people, as the famous Serenity Prayer suggests, either change the things they can or accept the things they can't change, and they have wisdom to know the difference. Changing your world becomes a game worthy of playing hard, and part of the fun is finding your team. If you don't succeed, either try a different tactic or a different direction, and don't take it personally. Play games worth losing. If you need to just accept things the way they are, know that you are enough and that "how you are" does not equal "how you feel."

2) Get related to your body. Start with moving it. Although exercise doesn't cause happiness, it's a major contributing factor. I heard of a study in which the anti-depressant Zoloft was tested against an exercise regime in a group of clinically depressed subjects. After a certain time, the results were the same, but going forward, exercise surpassed Zoloft's effectiveness. Your mood improves when the energy within your body is moving. Dance, jogging, yoga, tai chi, martial arts, gym workouts, hiking, biking, swimming, etc. are all good. I'm partial to ecstatic dance. Portlanders: check out www.pdxecstaticdance.com. Opportunities to learn ballroom dancing, salsa and tango abound here in Portland. Learning to use your body, take the next steps, which are enjoying and loving your body.

Next, enjoy your body. Experience pleasure. Don't be a slave to it, but definitely serve it. Don't skimp out. The whole point of having a body is to enjoy it, and use it for good. What is good is something that you get to determine. Want to stay unhappy? Then believe what other people say about what pleasures you should and shouldn't experience. (Note: your pleasure should never come at the expense of someone's well-being, including your own.) How can Portland be miserable with so much good chocolate? That is a mystery to me!

Then love your body. Appreciate it for what it provides for you: eyesight, transportation, pleasure, opposeable thumb use/grasping, hearing music, and myriad other things we take for granted. Don't compare your body to anyone else's. You will, but just forgive yourself and return to appreciating what you have and taking good care of it (see 2 & 3, above).

3) Explore your spirituality. For now, forget every definition of spirituality you've ever heard before, and try this one: Spirituality is the way that the Divine, or whatever eternal, formless essence you may or may not believe in, woos your soul. What woos your soul? Truth? Beauty? Virtue? Love? Family? Adventure? NASCAR? If it penetrates your being and gets to the middle of you, consider that it's the Divine getting your attention in the way that only it can. Not sure what gets to your soul? Start with your imagination. What fascinates or interests you? Start there. If nothing interests you, I don't believe you. But if so, it might be a good idea to see a therapist, but run the other way if the first thing he or she does is suggest drugs.

Develop the "attitude of gratitude." Take time as often as you can to be thankful for any good thing in your life. Don't wait until these things are taken from you by the tides and storms of life.

4) Dispense with your God, if that God is causing you misery. The God that most Americans, and I assume most Portlanders, are introduced to through church, media, and society, is antisocial, schizophrenic, and maybe bi-polar. Most of them, including many who are actually happy themselves, will disagree with me vehemently. I would not respect a man claims to love everyone but would banish them to eternal misery for being human, so why should I respect a God who does the same? An otherworldy hell simply isn't compatible with the concept of love, although many believers do their level best to have this make sense somehow. A pontifical bible scholar I knew commented that in the Bible, God never really succeeded in changing anyone when he threatened them with misfortune, but when he promised them life, they came in droves.

A wise rabbi, when confronted by atheists who told him, "Rabbi, I don't believe in God," would always reply, "Which one?" If you wish to get to know the Divine on the Divine's terms, it would be a good idea to start with this: God is love. Explore love in all its forms, meanings, and nuances. Learn by doing. Make love your life's study, and you will learn more about God than most people in the history of humanity.

It also helps to be an adult about God and stop asking for stuff for yourself or changes in your circumstances. God is not Santa Claus, rewarding you with favor for bribing him with good behavior. I heard another rabbi say that God put us in a physical universe and we are subject to its laws. So when hard times come, it is not for us to say, "Why?" but rather, "What now shall we do?" If you want God to answer your prayers powerfully, ask God to break your heart with compassion for his people, or ask him to show you ways to serve those who need you. Both of those, incidentally, will lead to happiness, if not deep contentment. Yes, I think God has a sense of the ironic.

(Note that many people are basically happy despite their religious beliefs, which are otherwise inconsistent with their beliefs about love. This is demonstrative of the fact that there are many ways to be happy, inconsistencies are allowed, and that this list does not equal the 10 Commandments, but rather 10 Suggestions.)

5) Learn that you are not your emotions. You have emotions, but they do not define you, nor do they determine "how you are" at any given time. If they did, the human race would have perished long ago.

6) Develop a daily practice. For me, it's meditation and prayer. For others, it's art. For many, it's exercise, or taking a walk to enjoy nature. The key is same time, same place, every day. This is time for your soul, and you get to determine what it looks like. Consistency within the practice (doing the same thing) should be balanced with making small changes and experimenting with new things. It should change over time or it will become stale. Just as you change over time, or you will become stale.

7) Be a participant, not a spectator. This may affect the amount of TV you watch or the hours you spend at your gaming console. Some happy people watch TV, some don't. Pretty much every unhappy person I know watches a lot of TV. Life is made for relating with people, not machinery broadcasting images that someone else has chosen for you. I don't believe that what's on TV makes people unhappy, so much as they get too comfortable with the habit and don't live lives of passion and spirit. Can't think of anything? Join a dragon boat team.

8) Love people. That means you will have to talk to some of them, and listen to some of them, and be interested in what some of them have to say. When they compliment you, never take it for granted. The smallest compliment is a gift and love is expressed in both the giving and receiving. Of course loving yourself is part of this. (Life's difficult and you need a friend. Start with being one to yourself.) Warning: Love may lead to having great friends, community, and adventures of the heart.

9) Learn to love the rain and clouds. Do you enjoy all the pretty maples, rhododendrons, ferns, Douglas-fir trees? How about the snow on Mt. Hood? It's our weather that makes this possible. As one who comes from a land of regular wildfires and merciless drought, for me every drop of rain is a miracle and makes so much available for us. Water is life, and when the sky is filled with water, it is filled with life!

10) Do it your way. Whatever it is. It's yours to figure out, and once you allow yourself to be the arbiter of what's cool and what isn't, you will be free.

What are your tips for being happy? What do you struggle with? I invite your comments, and please send this blog entry to anyone you know who might be in the Other Portland.

The Vatican inspires me to write...

2009-02-18T19:54:00.000-08:00

I've posted an article below. I find humor in it. But first, my commentary on it. Scroll down for the article.

First let me begin by saying, I love the Catholic Church. In large part, it made me the person I am today. But as a self-identified mystic Christian-without-a-church, who admittedly entertains many heretical beliefs and practices, I think the church has gone very, very astray from the teachings and Spirit of Christ over the centuries, but especially in the past few decades.

According to 95-year old Jesuit theologian, Fr. Roberto Busa, "When you look at vices from the point of view of the difficulties they create you find that men experiment in a different way from women."

His thoughts were expanded upon by Msgr. Wojciech Giertych, theologian to the papal household (every household should have its own theologian, don't you think?), who said the most difficult sin for men to face was lust, followed by gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed, and that, for women, the most dangerous sins were pride, envy, anger, lust, and sloth.

Well, first, I have to question the control groups being used in this experiment, who include only Italian Catholics who are prone to going to confession. It's noteworthy that Italy suffers some of the worst Catholic church attendance in Europe. Their masses are sparse and rote, despite the rich beauty of their buildings.

Dig deeper, and you will find that there's a difference between what's easy to confess and what's hard to confess. In a macho culture like Italy, you would get off easy confessing lust. It's expected, and perhaps even a point of national identity. The fact that the Catholic church is unnecessarily fixated on sexual behavior (which culturally gets laid on men's laps), makes this a no-brainer. On the other hand, it takes bone-shaking insight -- often great pain -- to realize when you've been prideful, because once you have, you've probably already really hurt someone.

In other words, it's easy to tell a stranger, "I looked at my buddy's girlfriend lustfully (lust), I ate too much pizza last night (gluttony), and I should have visited my mother instead of playing with my Wii (sloth, or something else masquerading as sloth)." But you have a lot more soul-searching to confess, "I won't call my brother because of something he said five years ago that pissed me off (pride/anger), I drank too much last night because I hate my job and feel trapped (anger), when I see my brother's wife and apartment I feel inadequate (envy), and I took credit for my co-worker's idea so that I would get the raise (greed).

I'd like to have a discussion with these theologians about the nature of sin at some point.

Women are every bit as lusty as men. If you don't know this first-hand, trust me on this. They are. They just don't talk about it. Especially to priests in confession. For starters, they don't feel so guilty about it. However, because women (generally) instinctively place a higher value on relationship, they know what pride can do. So of course they will confess pride before lust. In the confessional, these women know not to sweat the small stuff.

According to Pope Benedict, "We are losing the notion of sin." He said, "If people do not confess regularly, they risk slowing their spiritual rhythm."

Sorry, Benny. People are confessing, but not to you, and not to the priests. (I speak in general terms here.) They are confessing to their therapists, their spiritual directors, their friends, their online buddies, wherever they find it safe, and the ears compassionate.

To be a worthy confessor, you need to create a safe space, a non-judgemental space, that doesn't threaten with hell.

That is all. Here's the article, from BBC:

Two sexes 'sin in different ways'

Italian confession boxes have been used less in recent years

Women are prouder than men, but men are more lustful, according to a Vatican report which states that the two sexes sin differently.

A Catholic survey found that the most common sin for women was pride, while for men, the urge for food was only surpassed by the urge for sex.

The report was based on a study of confessions carried out by Fr Roberto Busa, a 95-year-old Jesuit scholar.

The Pope's personal theologian backed up the report in the Vatican newspaper.

"Men and women sin in different ways," Msgr Wojciech Giertych, theologian to the papal household, wrote in L'Osservatore Romano.

"When you look at vices from the point of view of the difficulties they create you find that men experiment in a different way from women."

Msgr Giertych said the most difficult sin for men to face was lust, followed by gluttony, sloth, anger, pride, envy and greed.

For women, the most dangerous sins were pride, envy, anger, lust, and sloth, he added.

Secretive department

Catholics are supposed to confess their sins to a priest at least once a year. The priest absolves them in God's name.

HIS AND HERS - THE SEVEN DEADLY SINS

Men 1. Lust 2. Gluttony 3. Sloth
4. Anger 5. Pride 6. Envy 7. Greed

Women 1. Pride 2. Envy 3. Anger
4. Lust 5. Gluttony 6. Avarice 7. Sloth

The Catechism of the Catholic Church states that "immediately after death the souls of those who die in a state of mortal sin descend into Hell".

Traditionally, the seven deadly sins were considered: pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed and sloth.

The Apostolic Penitentiary, one of the Vatican's most secretive departments, which fixes the punishments and indulgences handed down to sinners, last year updated its list of deadly sins to include more modern ones.

The revised list included seven modern sins it said were becoming prevalent during an era of "unstoppable globalisation".

These included: genetic modification, experiments on the person, environmental pollution, taking or selling illegal drugs, social injustice, causing poverty and financial greed.

The report came amid Vatican concerns about the declining rate of confessions.

A recent survey of Catholics found nearly a third no longer considered confession necessary, while one in 10 considered the process an obstacle to their dialogue with God.

Pope Benedict, who reportedly confesses his sins once a week, last year issued his own voice of disquiet on the subject.

"We are losing the notion of sin," he said. "If people do not confess regularly, they risk slowing their spiritual rhythm."

The Valentine Blog

2009-02-13T13:10:00.000-08:00

I was struck by a powerful thought a few weeks ago that has managed to diffuse any sentimentality about Valentine's Day for me this year. Valentine's Day, for many people, is SAD (Singles Awareness Day).

The marketing machine plows through our collective consciousness and unconsciousness, creating feelings of inadequacy for many of us who have no sweetheart, no flowers or candy or romantic dates. But this is hardly news for those of us who are unattached. If you've spent as many of your years single and unattached as I have, you have a lot of time to ruminate about your situation, as not only the self but the relatives and friends ask, "Why haven't you gotten married yet?"

What I'm about to say might exile us to a life of indefinite if not permanent singlehood, or maybe it will liberate us and even make us available to the partner we've always dreamed about.

The simple thought I'm putting forward is this: A relationship is a response, and not a goal.

Perhaps we've all held relationship as a goal. I know I have. "I want to be married some day." "I don't want to be alone." "I want to find my soulmate." When there is a goal, there is always looking to the future for a change in status, and with that, typically a lack of capacity for living in the present. It's natural enough, especially if you want to be a parent someday, or if there are things you fantasize about doing with a partner, generally and specifically.

What's interesting about this is that there is a role, a blank line __________ of your imagination that may or may never be filled by a special stranger. Perhaps you have a plan, and you're hoping that the universe, God, the Goddess, or whatever higher power you believe in, will provide this very special character actor to round out your special cast.

Let's look at the notion of relationship as a response. Backing away from the model of a romantic relationship, most all of our non-blood relationships are responses. I meet a guy at work, we converse about things that interest us, and we decide to hang out after work and share a drink. Over time we get to become good friends, sharing things that matter to us. Our response to encountering each other takes the form of a friendship. I eat lunch at the same restaurant every week and pretty soon the waitress knows my usual order, and over time we learn more about each other and begin a friendship that exists within the confines of the restaurant. We are responding to each other as customer and server, and then as friends because we like each other. If either of us were unfriendly, there would be no response, no relationship.

Looking at past loves with whom I'm still connected in some way, perhaps there was a goal of relationship, and that relationship ended, and whatever is left is my response to the human being whom I was privileged to spend time with. That response could be an ongoing connection, perhaps no connection at all, or something occasional. But interestingly, whatever remains may have authenticity that was lacking in the romantic phase of our relationship, simply because it arises from something that is there, instead of a goal that is created. In the same way, even a relationship that begins as a goal and deepens over time, if it is healthy, transitions to a response to the reality of who your partner is, rather than a goal. If the person remains a character, a role, instead of a "what-you-see-is-what-you-get human being, the relationship will fail, will be miserable, or both.

So consider yourself as a response waiting to happen, indeed, happening to everyone you meet in some way. Every day is the opportunity to respond to someone new, to create new relationship, to bring new levels of chaos, amusement, and depth into your life.

It has been surmised that you can't love any two people the same way, that love is defined anew every time you fall in love. I believe this is true. And I believe this is because love is, at its core, a response to someone. You cannot respond to a unique, individual human being the very same way you would a different unique, individual human being. Using the metaphor of alchemy for relationship, all of us are distinct elements that react to each other. Every combination of elements causes a unique reaction. We see that one person brings out the best in us without even trying, while another person seems to cause us to misspeak, misstep, get angry or flustered, or be awkward. Still others are like "inert" elements to us, that seem to cause no immediate reaction whatsoever.

So, if Singles Awareness Day is causing you anxiety or regret, try on this new context. Notice how you respond and react to the people you encounter in your day-to-day life. If relationship still occurs as a goal despite your best efforts, try making it into a game of just observing whom you respond to, and observing the responses. In the meantime, know that you have plenty of other elements to respond to that may show up as a myriad of relationships: best friends, lovers, companions, all based on the natural, organic response of your personal alchemy. Put yourself in the "science lab" of life as fully as you can, and enjoy all the natural relationships that ensue.

Of course, this could just be another one of many vain explanations I have come up with to explain something that I wish I had a better explanation for. But hey, I do enjoy many responsive relationships and I am happy. May you enjoy this day and whatever it brings to you. Al

Vatican "forgives" John Lennon

2008-11-23T09:04:00.000-08:00

Here's the story:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/7744282.stm

So, in a nutshell, back in 1966, when the Beatles were a worldwide sensation, John Lennon made a remark comparing the Beatles' popularity to that of Jesus Christ. The church took umbrage at that.

Now, about 28 years later after Lennon's death, the Vatican has found it in its heart to forgive the rocker.

H.G. Wells has been quoted as saying, "Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo." I believe that the Vatican was suffering some jealousy over its failure to have relevance with the youth culture back then.

I think it's the Vatican that should be asking Lennon's forgiveness.

In his incarnate days, Jesus was never out to win any popularity contests. He said, "My kingdom is not of this world." Yet, ever since Constantine made Christianity the official state religion of the Roman Empire (some suggest this was the death knell for Christianity as a true expression of Christ's teaching), Christianity has been anywhere from concerned to obsessed with concerns that are very much "of this world," namely politics, war, commerce, and other pursuits linked to the acquisition of money, power, and influence. Christ, in his day, forbade people from referring to him as a messiah -- even showing discomfort with the title of "teacher." Perhaps his reasons were self-preservation, since Christ probably knew that Rome didn't look favorably upon upstart movements that could be seen as challenging its authority. True as this may be, he frequently reflected people's light back to them: "Your faith has healed you," not "I have healed you."

All of this points uncomfortably to the recent furor in California over Proposition 8, which would write the definition of marriage as a heterosexual union into the state constitution. Churches claiming Christ as their leader came out very heavily in favor of this proposition, which passed (and is now being challenged). It also points uncomfortably to some Catholic dioceses (regional organizational jurisdictions) whose bishops demanded penance from anyone voting for Obama, since Obama is "pro-Abortion," according to them. Never mind that more Catholics (54%) voted for Obama than McCain this time around.

In a brilliant statement about love, St. Paul in his first letter to the Corinthians, stated:

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." (1 Cor. 13: 4-7)

Whether we belong to a church or not; whether we believe in the God we were raised with or not; whether we're comfortable with people whose highest love is reserved for their own gender or not; and whether we agree or not, let us always put love first.

For if our first and highest purpose is love (notice I'm saying "love" and not "tolerance"), not for somebody but for everybody -- especially those with whom we're not comfortable -- then what kind of world will each of us create around ourselves?

I welcome your comments.

Stand against virulent anti-gay protesters in Portland on Monday

2008-11-22T21:54:00.000-08:00

Dear Community,

Westboro Baptist Church (www.godhatesfags.com) will be in Oregon on Monday, Nov. 24th to protest. This group originally started through Rev. Fred Phelps and travels the country protesting the rights (and existence) of LGBT people, soldiers who have fought in wars, and many others. They have been known to protest military funerals, as well as funerals of other innocent individuals based on their sexuality, race, religion, etc. This group will be in Portland in various locations, as well as Silverton, OR to protest Stu Rasmussan, the nations first transgender mayor.

We are a group of grassroots activists, queers and allies that have decided to turn the WBC's message of hate into something positive for our community. Rather than engaging this group with hate, we would like to fight them by raising money for an organization that supports our community, Outside In. You can see the services that Outside In provides to low-income adults and homeless youth, with lots of services for queer/trans youth, by visiting (www.outsidein.org). We are asking our local businesses and individuals to donate any amount of money from $.05 and up, for each minute that Westboro Baptist Church protests in our community(with a minimum donation of $10.) The church is scheduled to protest from 7:30am to 12:30pm at various locations. The idea is that for every minute they spend in Oregon trying to tear our community down, they will actually be building us up.

How can you help?

Spread the word. Email you friends, your family, your neighbors, businesses.

Solicit donations. Make 3 calls to people you think might donate. Ask 3 businesses for support.

Donate to fight hate in Oregon!

Let's pull together and show this group that hate will not tear our community apart!

If you are interested in donating, please contact us at cryangage@yahoo.com. We will contact you after Monday the 24th to let you know how long the Westboro Baptist Church protested and how best to send in your contribution directly to Outside In. If you would you like to send in a flat donation amount directly to Outside In now, be sure to put "WBC" in the memo line or mention it with your donation.

Family Matters

2008-10-28T22:15:00.000-07:00

My family, which includes my two living parents (still happily married), nine children, seven spouses, 22 nieces and nephews and some grand-nieces/nephews, has a Yahoo group listserv that I set up several years back, and over the past year it has become quite a forum for political and religious debate.

As the family is loosely based in Southern California, the debate is revolving around Proposition 8, which I don't know the details of, but seems to be put forth by opponents of same-sex marriage. Within my family, the religious bloc (Roman Catholic and Evangelical) has a solid majority and has been weighing in solidly in favor of Prop 8. Apparently, zealots who are not in favor of Prop. 8 have been doing inappropriate things like ripping the Yes on 8 bumper sticker off my nephew Sam's car and stealing yard signs from other family members. This the family Prop 8 supporters use as evidence that homosexuals are an angry lot who are asking for more than they deserve. Um, good going, anti-Prop 8 zealots... NOT!

Anyway, I have been mostly responsible within my own family for waving the liberal flag while also pointing out the consistencies of progressive views with the Christian gospel. It hasn't been an easy task. No matter what I say, none of the family religious conservatives seem to concede any points to me. What? Did I think I could change their minds?

I ask questions, the most compelling ones of which are mostly answered with silence. If abortion is made illegal and women who break that law are charged as murderers, do we try them for infanticide? What is the appropriate punishment? (Hello? Anyone here? Echo echo echo echo...) What is sacred about your marriage? So far, mostly silence, except from one sister and her husband who are heavily involved in the Marriage Encounter movement.

My essays are well-crafted and I use all my writer's faculties of eloquence, using apples-to-apples comparisons, and employing compelling images. If I'm not going through all this trouble to change them, then why am I doing it? After all, the more truthfully I write, the more I "out" myself as a freethinker, a free-doer, and a free-lover. I surely risk their affinity if not their respect.

I do hope that I prick at their conscience as reality pricked at mine, eventually eroding my orthodoxy. But there's another reason.

Remember that huge family of mine? Take 22 kids, and there's going to be a homosexual or two, probably an abortion in there somewhere, some drug use, perhaps some other things that may one day lead to alienation. I hope to be, and it would be my privilege as well to be, that family member they can come to for support. Maybe I can even be a support for the one caught in hatred or discomfort who wants to get past it. I hope to be a vessel, a container, for that trust and love. Perhaps it will never come to pass within my own blood family, but I am blessed to be that container for my "larger" human family.

In her missive about gay marriage, one of my sisters, the one who is involved in Marriage Encounter, went down the line of all my married brothers and sisters, praising them for what they and their marriage bring to the world. When she got to me, the last of the nine, and the only one who has never been married, she said, "sorry we are not too close ... and so I can't comment on how you are life-giving to others in your daily life."

So I invited my sister to call me and find out. And after I wrote that response, I was suddenly confronted with how it would be difficult to communicate that to her. I think she could get her brain around the spiritual direction work I do -- after all, that comes from the Catholic tradition although it has been adopted by most major spiritual movements today. That I helped establish a fish farm in the Peruvian Shipibo hamlet of San Francisco Yarinacocha should provide some information. But what about the work that I do in sacred sexuality, endeavoring to make it safer for people, many of whom like myself are single and sexually active, to become more alive, more pure energetically, more satisfied, and more loving of themselves and others? Could she get this when she believes that sex outside of marriage is a sin by its very nature? Do I go all the way, and share that last component with her?

It is not easy to be an outsider, the mysterious and feared "Other" who lives outside the city walls, to be the one who on one hand feeds the larger culture's imagination and yet is reviled and suspected on the other hand. It's a tough, sacred mission. It is big fun, big trouble, and rarely is it ever popular with one's own family of origin.

It's Nature's Way...

2008-10-13T22:30:00.001-07:00

(AP Photo credit)

My good friend Bill called me this morning to shoot the breeze while we were both on our way to work. I was nearly to Salem, and would be in the parking garage in a couple of minutes, and he was stranded in the midst of a Sigalert traffic jam on the 118 Freeway in LA, with the traffic halted because of a severe fire.

As I spoke with him, and later as I logged onto the news and saw reports of the sundry fires hitting Southern California, I had a sense of relief, the kind of relief one might have after dodging a bullet. I remembered a time after I had sold my home in LA and I was driving north -- perhaps it was May 2006 and I was headed up to explore the Pacific Northwest. Whenever it was, there was a big headline-grabbing fire and I remember driving up I-5 toward the Bay Area, and seeing the inferno engulfing the hills along the north rim of the LA Basin. As I was driving north, I had the sense that at the very least, I wasn't supposed to live there anymore, and that, on a deeper level, neither is anyone else.

Don't get me wrong: I love Los Angeles and relish my memories of life there. But there's a place where my body intersects with my understanding of ecosystems, and my intuition about Pacha Mama to say that We Are Not Welcome there anymore. The hills are burning, we are being smoked out of our suburbs, and we can't afford the water it takes to keep putting out these fires. With each fire, comes subsequent mudslides that in turn, wreck our houses and our roads.

Now, in my condo in Van Nuys we only had to deal with the smoke, as the Valley floor was set safely back from the chapparal and the lawns and trees were moist with Colorado River irrigation. But to think that the water that was nurturing us came from miles away, and at the grave expense of other natural communities, gnawed at me. To hear about a new fire and wonder if my friends in the hills would be threatened by it, gnawed at me. Another fire, after another fire, after another fire, after another fire... Humans are supposed to have rainy seasons (the Southwest has ceased to have those anymore), sunny seasons, fall seasons, spring seasons ... but ... fire seasons?

It takes an immense effort of artificial infrastructure to make Southern California a habitable environment for mass quantities of humans, at great expense to all aspects of the environment. If I had to move back, you would probably see me making some kind of appeasement offerings to Pacha Mama on a regular basis to remind her that I know she doesn't prefer me here!

Here in the Northwest, our water is local and pure. Our lawns grow green in the winter and brown in the summer, but there's always an emeraldness to this place. We live in the midst of a fertile, green valley flanked by a giant River That Runs Through It. It's never brittle-hot in the Willamette Valley. We have spruce, firs, maples, moss, and ferns. The latter two grow wild in our lawns!

I remember a TV commercial from my youth, for a hand lotion where they took a dried-up sycamore leaf, and rubbed it with lotion to moisten and restore it. Living here, I truly feel like that dried up leaf turning green again. When it doesn't rain for a few days, I miss it and look forward to more rain. It keeps us alive, moist, softened.

I am grateful for my myriad LA friends and look forward to visiting all of you when I make it down there ... And I hope there are no fires going on when I do! And I would love for any of you to come visit here, try living here... in the end, it's MUCH more sustainable. I'm just sayin'...

It's tough these days for a Goddess

2008-10-07T09:46:00.000-07:00

(photo credit: Associated Press)
It's very interesting how in pagan and tantric circles we speak of "Goddess worship." For the uninitiated, "Goddess worship" here in the West has meant anything from letting the woman have her way to paying a woman to pleasure her as she pleases.

But in Nepal, a young child is selected by a panel of duly qualified judges, subjected to some interesting tests, and then worshiped as the deity Taleju by Hindus and some Buddhists while isolated in a palace until puberty, when she is divested of her divine status and attempts the difficult transition to "normal" life. (See article below.) So in Nepal, clearly another paradigm is at play.

Or is it?

When the biblical prophets spoke out against idolatry, they were making an important point that is often lost by Christians (and others) today: that there is only one God, and that everything else is a manifestation of God, so worship God and not the manifestation. Even the Hindus, with their colorful pantheon, believe that all these gods are manifestations of God.

As a brief note on this particular blogger, I believe there is one God, whom at times I worship as Goddess, or as Jesus, or as Spirit. I even use statues and iconography to focus my worship -- a practice I jokingly call "idolatry for fun and profit."

A priest and theologian I knew in my college days had a compelling definition of idolatry. Fr. Jim Nisbet used to say that idolatry is taking anything, even God, so seriously that you can't laugh at it.

Which brings me to my point: Nepalese kumari worship and western "Goddess worship" aren't that far apart.

I'll be bold here: Women are no more or no less "Goddess" than I am. And no, I'm not letting you in on my secret choice of underwear or anything else related to my exterior form.

What I'm talking about is this: The Goddess, the Divine Feminine, is a force that abides in every human being, not to mention everywhere you find beauty and love. Sometimes she even resides in dark, messy, destructive places. But she is a spiritual force that neither woman nor man can claim for her or himself.

I love being "worshiped" just as much as the next guy. Seriously. Rub my feet, feed me gnocchi and tollhouse cookies. Have beautiful naked women feed me cherries and tell me how awesome I am. I will gladly accept your worship, whether you call me God or Goddess. But allow me to chuckle, secure in knowing that God is being worshiped in both the giver and receiver. If I take your worship personally, please print this blog out and wave it my face.

Be careful when you call yourself or your friend a Goddess. The murkiness that you're entering is that every human being partakes in the divine equally. We are, all of us, gods and idiots. We are saints and criminals. Can you own that you are a luminous child of God, and at the same time, not take yourself personally? Can you behold a perfectly "average" woman, or a three-year-old "perfect" Nepali girl, and your own reflection in the mirror, and realize that there is no difference in the measure of divine substance, the Goddess herself, in each one?

If you can, then let's get down to some serious Goddess worship.

Nepal appoints 3-year-old as new living goddess

KATMANDU, Nepal - Hindu and Buddhist priests chanted sacred hymns and cascaded flowers and grains of rice over a 3-year-old girl who was appointed a living goddess in Nepal on Tuesday.

Wrapped in red silk and adorned with red flowers in her hair, Matani Shakya received approval from the priests and President Ram Baran Yadav in a centuries-old tradition with deep ties to Nepal's monarchy, which was abolished in May.

The new "kumari" or living goddess, was carried from her parents' home to an ancient palatial temple in the heart of the Nepali capital, Katmandu, where she will live until she reaches puberty and loses her divine status.

She will be worshipped by Hindus and Buddhists as an incarnation of the powerful Hindu deity Taleju.

A panel of judges conducted a series of ancient ceremonies to select the goddess from several 2- to 4-year-old girls who are all members of the impoverished Shakya goldsmith caste.

The judges read the candidates' horoscopes and check each one for physical imperfections. The living goddess must have perfect hair, eyes, teeth and skin with no scars, and should not be afraid of the dark.

As a final test, the living goddess must spend a night alone in a room among the heads of ritually slaughtered goats and buffaloes without showing fear.

Having passed all the tests, the child will stay in almost complete isolation at the temple, and will be allowed to return to her family only at the onset of menstruation when a new goddess will be named to replace her.

"I feel a bit sad, but since my child has become a living goddess I feel proud," said her father Pratap Man Shakya.

During her time as a goddess, she will always wear red, pin up her hair in topknots, and have a "third eye" painted on her forehead.

Devotees touch the girls' feet with their foreheads, the highest sign of respect among Hindus in Nepal. During religious festivals the goddesses are wheeled around on a chariot pulled by devotees.

Critics say the tradition violates both international and Nepalese laws on child rights. The girls often struggle to readjust to normal lives after they return home.

Nepalese folklore holds that men who marry a former kumari will die young, and so many girls remain unmarried and face a life of hardship.

Lather, Rinse and Maybe Don't Repeat

2008-07-08T17:54:00.000-07:00

Today I had lunch with my good friend ZigZag Montefusco, a life coach and avowed polyamorist. She's awesome. We were talking about marriage. ZigZag never really bought into the concept, preferring free agency and a cadre of close associates. I always did buy into the concept, but I'm not so sure about how much I want it now.

Let's just start out by saying that by saying this I'm probably limiting my dateability somewhat. Truth is good. Uncertain truth is, well, a wait-and-see proposition. So we'll have to wait and see how this all goes.

I am among the most statistically anomalous Americans you could find. My parents are still happily married in their mid-80s. (Even relatively healthy.) Raising nine children (of whom I'm the "finale," a term I prefer to "baby" now that I'm 44), my parents had their share of tough times, lean meals, and hopeful prayers. (They still pray like maniacs, bless their souls.) Of my eight siblings, seven are happily married, and one sister is divorced but quite attached in a long-term non-marriage partnership. One of my brothers got divorced too, but just remarried. So suffice it to say, I come from a line where solid, happy marriage was the norm.

Add to that America's cultural myth of marriage, which goes something like this: A guy grows up, and falls in love with a girl who has grown up, and they marry with each other, and are happier than they were before. Then they have a family, which grows up too. Lather, rinse, repeat.

I am a firm believer in love and marriage – especially love. Marriage is only valid if it is done in love and freedom, and seems to work best (in fact only seems to work) if the marrying parties have a pretty good idea of who they are and what they want.

Because of my spiritual tendencies, and the fact that for much of my life I lacked the confidence to have a fulfilling love life, I learned how to make my life fulfilling despite being single. For many years I was both lonely and happy, and since my confidence has improved substantially, I'm sexually fulfilled and happy.

And I'm 44.

The placemat at the chinese restaurant says of folks like me, born in the Year of the Dragon, something like: "You are eccentric and your life is complex. You have a very passionate nature and abundant health. Marry a Monkey or Rat late in life. Avoid the Dog."

I guess "late in life" is officially upon me. And I question the whole fatherhood thing. Parenthood and marriage, according to the American marriage myth, go hand-in-hand with lawn-mowing, taking your kids to baseball practice, and summer barbeques. My thoughts today revealed that the part of fatherhood that always spoke to me was the guidance, the mentorship, forming young minds and hearts, etc.

Upon reflection today, I realized that through my spiritual direction practice is providing me some of that mentorship energy I wanted to pour into fatherhood. That's kinda neat.

So nothing resolved. File under "new insights gained" though. If marriage happens, then it will be extraordinary, because at this stage of the game, I only settle for extraordinary, even if it looks ordinary. If marriage doesn't happen, then it will also be extraordinary, because, as my friend Noah says, "That's how I roll."